Friday, November 30, 2007

Bored and trying to be happier

Bored and trying to be happier

I am not very good at bedrest. Even when it is self-imposed. I'm bored and itching to go to Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. Shoot me. But in my defense, I am addicted to their Chai tea, not their coffee.  So that's not so much caffeine, eh?  But I promised myself that I would loll in bed and that's what I'm going to try to do.

Anyway, on to the important news. I transferred 4 embryos. I had two 10 cells and two 8 cells. And a 4 cell. They didn't feel that it was worth transferring the 4 cell so I agreed even though it's hard leaving it behind as it's highly unlikely to make it to freezing.

I feel like I should be ecstatic. I have never ever had any 10 celled embryos. And to have four make it to the 8 celled stage is amazing. In three retrievals at my old clinic, I had two 8 celled embryos out of a total of 14.  In two retrievals at Big Clinic I have had six 8+ celled embryos out of 7. Big difference, huh?

But. And here's the but. I am weirdly not ecstatic. To me the embryos look pretty fragmented. It is hard to look at a photo of a sad and (dare I say it) ugly embryo and be able to imagine it working out. The RE said they were "good" because they were less than 25 percent fragmented. It's hard for me to see how they came up with that and makes me wonder if they just said that to make me feel better or if they really are OK.

So. There we are. The 5 of us are hanging out being bored. And hoping and praying for a good outcome.


nishkanu said...

I am at Big Clinic too, and have had similar miracles compared to my old clinic.

But really wanted to say: a friend-of-a-friend did IVF and had only two embryos that went to transfer. They were both, in the words of the proud father, "the saddest, ugliest, most pathetic embryos you've ever seen." Today they are happy and healthy twins.

Note: the moral of this story from my friend's perspective is to try to get me to not transfer more than two, no matter how bad the quality, although this doesn't really have much effect on my decision-making process after 4 failed cycles. I think the real moral of the story is that no one really knows why some embryos stick and others don't, and the embryo grading process is only a vague stab in the dark. No one knows what makes 'em stick and what doesn't. So what the heck, go little sad-looking embryos!

Kim said...

Fragmented-schmagmented! You have four good--or at least okay-- embryos in there, and that's something to celebrate. And like you said, you've gotten better embryos this time than ever before.

Hoping that the TWW passes quickly for you. Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Sarah, Congrats on the Quads.
Mine didn't look so hot either, so I'd say your changes are looking good.
Hang in there and enjoy the rest, if you can. It's such a crazy time of year, and can get stressful, so bed is where you belong right now.
Enjoy it for a few days, will ya?

June Bug Momma said...

Oh my golly Sarah!!! Excellent news!! Hey...a few of my freinds had major defrag embies and they are now blessed with very happy/healthy kids!! I have very high hopes for you Sarah!! Bring on the BFP!!! Sending you lucky & sticky vibes!! *hopeful hugs*

bleu said...

Congrats Sarah, I will gladly be totally ecstatic for you until you can muster up some of your own!!!
And I am, so very very excited for you.

katty said...

There are a lot more than five hoping and praying for a good outcome.
I really hope this is the one for you. Really good luck, Sarah.

Yodasmistress said...

I agree with nishkanu - I have two different online friends who got pg in the last month from highly fragmented embryos where as several other friends who had "perfect" blasts didn't get pg. I know fragmentation is "bad" but it doesn't *seem* like looks are all that important in all this. Of course, with all you've been through, I'm sure you already know that. But I just wanted to reassure you.

Huge contrats on having so many transferred. I look forward to good news in a few weeks.

Anonymous said...

I had a couple of fugly embryos. One of them didn't make it. The other one is currently kicking me from the inside. Good luck to you.

calliope said...

Maybe the embryos just didn't like their photos taken in the dish and were given you a little scowl...

Wish I could have starbucks deliver to you.

Now get back to lolling. Leave the cheery optimism to us- we've got you covered.

& much love to your Quads

Celeste said...

Among one tight knit group of infertile friends, we always agree to hold hope for each other. I think it's perfectly understandable to *not* feel completely ecstatic... that's just self protection. It's clear that you've got a big group of friends who will hold a strong circle of joy and hope for you this couple of weeks. Four transferred is fantastic, and I'm so happy for you, and so grateful that you're sharing your journey.


Jules said...

Great news Sarah. take it easy. My egg collection is Monday but I don't have very many follicles, actually thought that my cycle would be cancelled but after upping my dosage they seemed to out on a growth spurt!

Anonymous said...

Sarah - hang in there - and don't worry about the frag. It is not a great predictor of success, as you know. The real news is that you had 4 good ones to transfer!