Thursday, December 06, 2007

Creaky bones

Thank you for sitting and waiting with me, and keeping the hope alive. Me? It's all I can do not to go straight back to bed, but that's because my lower back is hurting. A lot.

It was hurting a bit on Monday, which I put down to the flight and various delays on Sunday. No biggie, I figured it would go away. I am clearly just getting old. Tuesday was excruciating. I had to take some extra strength Tylenol, which didn't help all that much, as I find Tylenol is not all that great for muscular pain, but whatever, it's all that we're allowed to take so I sucked it up. I figured I should have done some yoga stretches on Monday, and shouldn't have been wearing heels. I thought it would go away. Yesterday it was a lot better. Yay for yoga stretches. Except I foolishly wore heels again. And you've guessed it, today it is back to excruciating.

Anyhoo, I am hobbling around like an octogenarian. So that's pleasant.

I went to my local clinic this morning for a progesterone draw, and they mis-read my prescription from Big Clinic and were going to do a beta. Oh, I so hesitated when they presented me with the label for the tube of blood to check and sign. You KNOW I had visions of not saying anything and scoring an early beta with early results. But I am honest to a fault, not to mention cheap. And let's face it, they do betas at 14DPO and later for a reason, as that's the most reliable time for results. So I told them they'd mis-read and no HCG was needed for today. Pathetically honest I am, I am, patheticaly honest I am.

So, no testing for me. No peeing on sticks either. I may test on Saturday but there's a part of me that would rather not know. You know, this was the cycle that was supposed, nay destined, to work. This was the last shot with my own eggs. I was confident(ish) that the universe would finally come through for me. And now? Not so much. I am firmly in doom and gloom mode. So there's a part of me that would rather extend the potential, the possibility, that it could have worked for a teensy bit longer.


MargieInAZ said...

Sarah, sorry for your back pain. Is that something you get often? Or is this unusual? Just asking... 'cause if it's unusual, what is different now than normal??? Hmmmm, I wonder...

Solitaire said...

You really think it is not just a regular old backache? Hmmm. It is pretty rare for me to get lower back pain, I admit.

calliope said...

So sorry your back is hurting.
& i can not believe how effing honest you were about the beta! sheesh!

but I hear you, & I get it.

But I am also sitting her waiting and hoping for you. Singing your 1-2-3-4 song...


Kim said...

I'm thinking of you, and hoping that you're knocked up. I don't know how you were able to be so honest about the bloodwork; I don't know if I'd have been able to do it!

serenity said...

Back pain is the worst - totally sucks, especially when you can't take anything stronger than Tylenol.


I confess. I also thought the same thing as Margie.

But I know very well the mix of hope and fear you're struggling with now.

And! I am stubbornly refusing to believe that this WON'T be your cycle.

Hang in there, hon. Thinking of you...