Abandon hope, all ye who enter here

Yup, practically as soon as I posted yesterday the hope started evaporating and the despair started creeping in.

It was worsened by a complete absence of crazy dreams, after 5 or so straight nights of them. And deflated boobs. And an absence of "feeling" it.

None of which makes a bit of difference, of course. I know this. I know that I am in prime despair time when it's really too early to test and yet you're sick of not knowing. I know all this, and it doesn't stop me from despairing. Hopefully I'll have another wild swing back to optimistic very shortly but for now despair is settling in.

Off the topic somewhat, I went to the dentist this morning for a cleaning and found out that one of my fillings has fallen out. I'd noticed in NY that that tooth looked weird and wondered if it could possibly have fallen out, but decided that there was no way that could happen without me knowing it or feeling it or being in pain. But it had and I didn't feel a darn thing. In my defense, it was a white filling so it wasn't as obviously gone as a mercury one would be, but I guess I swallowed it at some point. Nice. So there I was, checking out and making the appointment to have the filling put back in, and the receptionist asked me if I wanted an appointment this year or next year. Que? Next year? So I pointed out that I had a filling that had fallen out and maybe we should act fairly quickly to put a new one in before it caused me lots of pain? Just maybe? Weird. She said that some people get so crazy in December with the holidays that they can't seem to handle any appointments at all. Well, maybe I'm just odd but much as I dislike going to the dentist I kind of would rather have the filling back in than sit through Christmas dinner in pain.