Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The freakshow that is my life

Two things today: commuting and acupuncture. Yes indeedy, a nice mix. But both of which leave me feeling sort of freak-like at the moment, on top of the dismal IVF failures, so they're almost related.


In my bid to become even more of a tree hugger than I currently am, I have been feeling guilty about driving to work. Sure, I have a Prius, it's only 5 miles each way and I'm only travelling at about 35mph so I'm hardly gunning the engine. But still. Last winter I tried to cycle, which went reasonably well, but it's impossible in the stickiness that is Florida in the summer. And I'm fat and unfit at the moment. I may try to cycle again this winter IF I'm not pregnant. But anyhoo, I live 2 blocks from a bus stop so I figured I really should make more of an effort to take the bus, at least a few days a week. It's supposed to be more environmentally friendly, because after all, the bus is already travelling that route.

So, with my 40mpg average I figure it costs me about 75 cents a day on fuel. Parking is free, and then there's wear and tear on the car which I can't figure out. Let's say it costs $1.50 a day to drive the car in, tops. It takes 12 whole minutes. Ish. Sometimes it's 15 minutes on a bad day.

I set off yesterday in time to catch the bus, I hoped, only to have it sail past me as I was about to turn the corner to the bus stop. I missed it by literally 10-15 seconds. So I had to sit and wait for the next one, 20 minutes later. Which was a tad late, of course. In the end it took about 45-50 minutes to get into work and cost me $1.25 one way (about to rise to $1.50). At about 5pm, the heavens opened, but I was stuck working late so I felt sure that it would have stopped raining by the time I had to leave. No such luck. And I got stuck at work until 8.45 and of course just missed another bus. My umbrella blew inside out as I was walking along and broke. My shoes got soaked. I got soaked. I had to share the busstop with some teenagers who were going home from a movie. And then the bus itself included various undesirables, including the drunk who staggered on a few stops after me and sat right behind me. Yes, I spent the rest of the trip home absolutely convinced that he was about to vomit on the back of my neck. I got off the bus at my stop and suddenly realized that my lovely safe neighborhood was not quite so safe on the main street at 9.30 at night and that the road home was awfully dark. Another 50 minute commute one way.

I have to say, people, it was not a fun experiment, it cost me double than driving my own car, was a damn sight less comfortable, took a whole lot longer and left me bemused as to how on earth this country is ever going to persuade people to use public transport outside the major cities. It just seems an impossible goal.

Now, if companies didn't offer free parking and it cost $10 a day to park like it did in England when I was working there (well, 10 pounds, and is probably a lot more expensive nowadays), people would take the bus. But now? Now it just made me feel like an eco-freak. Nobody else that I know takes the bus, unless they don't have a car. Which is basically one person. I haven't even dared tell anyone that it was such a fiasco coming home because I know they'll just laugh at me. Not sure why I even try, sometimes.


I tried to stop acupuncture, I really did. I have done it for so long and with different supposedly expert practitioners, that I was ready to be done. But what if? What if it really does help? If this really is going to be my last IVF then I need to throw everything at it. Which means that maybe I should start up acpuncture again with someone new. There's a guy near my house that does it, and I'm considering going to him. He's not a fertility specialist, but at least he's cheap and close by. He could at least help with stress, and might discover something else about me that could be fixed, given that the others never fixed all my issues. But again, I just feel like a freak. Is this a crazy thing to consider? Why can't I stop the madness? I wish I could just not spend money on this stuff, but it's so scary to think that maybe this one thing might help and if I don't do it, will I regret it for the rest of my life? Why can't I just be one of those women that say I gave it a good shot, and give up on it as not something that is working for me. Any comments on acupuncture, good or bad? Would you consider trying a fourth practitioner?


Heather said...

I commend you for trying to take the bus. We don't have public transportation where I live but I'm not sure I would be brave enough to try it even if we did.

If you like getting acupuncture, do it. Who cares how many you have been to?

Anonymous said...

I have been ttc and realized that the results were the same with or without accupuncture, so I gave myself a break (timewise and financially) and find I am less stressed without the accupuncture appointments. Maybe try some yoga to relax,and get back in shape. Good luck.

June Bug Momma said...

Sarah you make me laugh! LMAO! I have had similar public transportation experiences and some frightening! I just hate public transportation. I would rather run or bike there. Good way to get in shape too! ;o)

Rachel said...

I find acupuncture incredibly relaxing, and if you want to indulge yourself, just do it. For me, it's betterthan getting a massage. I love it. I say go for a new practitioner. How many things do you just do for you?

I have the same sense of driving guilt. I also work very close to home, and my commute in a car is less than ten minutes, but on the bus, it's like an hour. I agree that the state of public transportation in this country completely encourages driving. I can't even ride my bike as it would be too dangerous. Boston drivers are notoriously awful, and there is no shoulder. Though, when I worked in the city I did carpool with hubby. Good luck with working that one out.

Kate said...

I'm giving acupuncture a try with ttc 2.0, so obviously I'm a bit for it. If you need to/want to keep on with it, fine, but it's certainly not a necessity. Mine's very close by and cheap, so I'm giving it a whirl. It's in the can't hurt, might help category, along with my flax oil supplement, as far as I'm concerned.