Monday, August 20, 2007

Back to life, back to ree-ah-lity

So. Not pregnant. Another IVF to face before I call it a day with my eggs. OK, OK, I'll be honest, I'm not ruling out further IVFs should I not be able to stop, but the current plan is one more and that is it.

Started the new diet today. But I didn't weigh myself. I'm tired of seeing those numbers, so my current plan is just to weigh myself before going back to NY. And hope that I can get some weight off between now and then. I know what I weighed at egg retrieval, and I know I'm probably a bit up since then. Who needs an actual number?

I spent the weekend reading. I can't seem to watch TV or movies at the moment. My mind drifts and wanders and won't sit still. And nothing that I watch catches my attention or seems worth spending my time on. And while it would probably be healthier to have a good wallow, I'm so freakin' tired of wallowing and failing and being sad. I just want to be normal again. I don't want to have to sit around bemoaning the fact that yet another IVF failed. It does me no good at all. So I read, as it's the only thing pretty much guaranteed to take me away from the world. And I read. And read some more. In fact, I read Harry Potter Book 7 three times this weekend. I kid you not. And Peggy Orenstein's Waiting for Daisy when I wanted a Harry Potter break. And I downed the other bottle of sparkling wine, went to the supermarket, went to the pool store for chlorine, and went off and bought new kitchen cabinet pulls and replaced most of the handles in the kitchen (but not in that order).


calliope said...

I'm still reeling over your liquor store incident.

I am amazed that you read HP7 3 effing times!! Holy speed reader.

I'm so sorry, Sarah.

calliope said...

by the way- thanks. I've had that SONG in my head since I first read your post. argh!

Rachel said...

I'm tired of wallowing too, but I'm not sure how not to anymore. Good for you for doing things and finding ways to distract yourself. Picking ourselves up can be nearly impossible.

~Susan said...

Have you ever tho't about The MD diet>Master cleanse. NOt only do you lose wt, but it is a detox too.
You loose the wt fast, but it works well by detoxing your body too. The Master Cleasne has been around since the 1940's.
Sure you don't remember me, but I was on the singles FF site & post every once in a while on the SBMC on the network54. I am still Manifesting baby #1 too.
But the MCdiet I have lost 18#, probably in about 3wks. The 1st time I did the MCdiet I only did it for 5days and lost 10#. Just google it, to get all the info. O' I walk 2-4 miles 5X a wk and lift wts so that is helping me lose. It's a strict liquid diet but it works.