Friday, August 11, 2006


I should be working, but I've never let that stop me before, so why stop now? TGIF, blogosphere. I will not have to see the work jackass for two whole days. I have, by the way, instituted my "get the jackass fired" plan, by blind copying the big boss on all my emails to him which point out his mistakes, and by urging everyone else who has complained about this guy to go and complain to the big boss. There's been a string of visitors to the big boss' office, I'm pleased to say. Hopefully the powers-that-be will get the message.

I keep pondering about all the brouhaha surrounding the latest terrorist plot. Not that it's not just awful and scary that these people think that it is a great idea to blow up planes, and to be honest, it puts me off wanting to move back to England a little bit. But mainly because I just think this will give the government even more "reason" to want to take away more freedoms from us. And of course we'll probably never be able to take liquids on planes ever again because the idiot media has told everyone how to make bombs. Why oh why can't they keep quiet on such details?

Anyway, of course you all know that what I'm really spending most of my time thinking about are my female bits. I had an acupuncture appointment yesterday, and she didn't declare that I had a slippery pulse (supposedly a sure sign of pregnancy), so that depressed me. But then again, in my self diagnosis wrist-holding sessions (of which there are many) it doesn't feel like anything else either. So who knows. Not that I know what a wiry, taught or choppy pulse really feel like so I'm just blindly holding my wrist and going "well, it kinda feels like it could be slippery". I also had a thought while lying there with needles in me that I've been really focused on having twins so I could be done with TTC'ing, and that I haven't focused enough on having one healthy baby. So I really tried to do that, and tried imagining the extra money I could spend on a kid if there was just one, how I could try for a natural birth, how the pregnancy would be easier, and all the other benefits to having a singleton. I think that helped. I felt a bit more at peace after that. Unfortunately, one of the things that was coming up in my daydreaming was having a Bugaboo stroller. I have serious Bugaboo envy, but the problem is that the very cheapest model is $679, and the most expensive model is $879. Honestly, how can any sane right-minded person justify spending that much money on a stroller? But I want one! Plus, I think I should be entitled to reward myself if I ever do manage to get pregnant. And I don't have a husband to remind me to be sensible. But then again, I know people would laugh at me for being such a snob/label hound, so maybe I should hold back.

In good news, I have had pretty strong(ish) cramps for the last three days. Cramps are normal for me in the 2ww, but these are stronger than normal. So I am trying to convince myself that a little one or two is/are snuggling in, but I know that my fellow infertiles out there know just how damn hard it is to keep doing the positive visualization going from the bottom of the pit of despair. I'm trying though.

This morning in the shower, I had a breakthrough of sorts. I finalized "The Plan". The plan for what to do if this cycle doesn't work. It feels good to have a plan, because I like to know roughly what I'm going to do if what I'm currently working for doesn't work out. And the plan is to do one more IVF at my current clinic, and if that doesn't work, do an IVF at a fancy-schmancy out of state clinic with stellar success rates. And if that doesn't work, do the FET with my one lonely frozen embryo. And if that doesn't work, I'm done. Done, done, done. Finito. No donor eggs, no adoption. I'll do something radically different with my life like go back to school to study for my second career. Or become a hermit. Or something. I'll figure that out if I get to that point.

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