Monday, August 14, 2006

Monday weigh-in

Should I even bother reporting that today's pregnancy test was negative again? It was, so let's move on. [But bizarrely my temperature went up which could get me all hopeful if I let it, but let's face it, a negative HPT at 14DPO is not a good sign.]

I have decided that every Monday I am going to weigh in, and put down in writing how much I have lost (or gained) that week. I need need need to lose weight so I can have some hope going in to the next cycle because the only two things different between IVF#1 and IVF#2 were that I got fatter and I was on BCP for nearly 6 weeks. And I got 5 eggs as opposed to 14. So I need to eat healthily again, and go back to just 3 weeks on BCP in order for me to have hope that I can bring that number back up again.

So, I toyed with the idea of actually telling you guys how much I weigh. I mean, I've told you about my periods and all about the va-jay-jay. However, there's something just so awful about having to reveal your weight when you're not happy with it. Something much worse than telling the anonymous internet about your cervical mucus, for some bizarre reason. So I decided not to. And then I flip-flopped. And I've been changing my mind all morning.

But, owning up to something is the first step to conquering it, so here goes.

I am 5 feet 7". The highest healthy weight for my height according to the doctor's chart is 155 pounds. At my egg retrieval this time I weighed 180. On Saturday I weighed 178 after the stims bloat had gone down, so I'm going to take 178 as the starting point for my diet. It's not that overweight, I know, but it doesn't make me happy with myself and that isn't a good position to be in. I'm happy at around 150lbs, at which weight I'm a U.S. size 8 (U.K. size 12). I don't need to be any smaller than that - in fact when I was a size 6 people in the U.K. would tell me I was too thin, and I tend to agree with them, because I have big childbearing hips and my hip bones stick out if I'm skinny. Nobody in the U.S. would ever tell you you were too thin unless you were smaller than a size 0, but that's a whole other issue, and anyway I'm pretty sure my skeleton is bigger than that. So, my ideal would be to lose 30lbs. As I have 3 months until the next IVF, I know that's a pretty ridiculous target, so my actual goal will be to lose 15lbs. Or more. I hope I can manage it, but hey, ANYTHING will be welcomed.

Monday weigh-in (week 1) = 177, down 1. Not bad for just one weekend, and I haven't quite quit the sugar addiction yet.


Calliope said...

well good morning Mizz Brave.
I think spening these 3 months to get healthy is great- mostly because it is important to you. But also b/c it will give you back some control over your body.

I have no idea when I will be able to start my IVF stuff (not until after the move & settle) but I'm going to copy you & try to get healthy in this time as well.

You are inspiring me!

namaste said...

While the idea of a diet sounds icky at the moment, I can honor the spirit in which it's sparked. I think after all it's been through, your body can use some quality time with you, quality foods, and loving thoughts. Still sending many many hugs to you. You are a strong lady. xoxo