Monday, August 21, 2006

Monday's weighty weigh in

So, let's get the Monday weigh-in over with first, as it's not exactly what I wanted to post.

Today's weight = 179. Up 2 from last week, up 1 from starting point, up 3 from this week's target.

The diet is obviously going great, then. ;) But seriously, it was 176 on Friday, so this is entirely due to Saturday's overindulgence, Sunday's lazing around being hungover and eating leftovers from Saturday, and that little old thing called water retention. So I am hoping (a lot) that this is just a temporary upward blip, and that by next week I can be back on track again. Or at least closer to the track than I currently am.

As for what I thought about while lying around hungover, I have to admit that all I could think was that I wished I was pregnant so I didn't have to drink. Which is a very weird thing to be thinking, as I certainly didn't have to drink, and in fact had been looking forward to it. And it's not like I haven't been drinking since the negative beta, but I limited myself to one small glass a night. I suppose what I really wanted was a way to go out and have fun and to have an excuse not to drink that everyone knows about.

No, actually, let's face it, what I really want is to be pregnant, damn it. I'm so tired of still being here, and posting about boozing instead of posting about baby kicks. And the longer time goes on, the harder it gets because people who I started TTC with are now trying for their second or just enjoying their babies and ignoring those of us still in the trenches. I don't want to still be here. I don't want to be the IVF expert. I want to be the poopy diaper and breastfeeding expert.


Calliope said...

amen, sister.
it SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS to still be ttc for this long.

As for the weight- you know at least 5 pounds are from AF. At least!


namaste said...

Let's see... 5 pounds from AF, 7 pounds from water weight gained from overindulgence, 9 pounds from IVF knowledge and disappointment...

that puts you at oh crap, that's math. Um, 158. You weigh 158. You're too skinny damnit. Go eat something. xo