Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The big day

15DPO. Beta day. I had my blood drawn. I am not hopeful. In fact, I am fighting back tears already.

I saw my RE at the clinic, and he gave me a cheery good morning (though I'm sure I just register as "oh, she's a patient of mine" rather than him knowing my actual name). Then he went straight into the ultrasound room, and I could hear him congratulating someone in there on their pregnancy. It cut through me like a knife because I don't know if I will ever get that far. I also heard yesterday that he calls people to congratulate them on positive blood test results. He hasn't called me since, I think, my second IUI cycle. Or was it my first? Now I'm just on the treadmill. I make the appointment, go in, pay lots of money to have a consult and then we start all over again with whatever treatment cycle he recommends. I don't merit a personal phone call. Or any congratulations. Commiserations might be nice every once in a while though.

Oh well, chin up as they say in Britain. I can and I will get through this.

3 comments:

Calliope said...

ouch. Hearing him walk in & say those words to someone else had to have been awful.

will continue to keep fingers crossed until you tell me otherwise.

xo

(word verification: kqMOM
could that be a nod to your homeland? King Queen mom???)

margieinaz said...

Me too. Still staying hopeful until you tell us something different.
Hugs and kisses to you.

Deb2You2 said...

Sarah - I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the negative beta. They are really very hard. This process takes its toll emotionally, physically, and financially. And, no one who hasn't been through it can every truly understand. Just thinking about you and wishing the best as you prepare forthe next round.

Deb