Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The flakiness of friends

I have this one friend, A., who volunteered to drive me to egg retrieval for my first IVF cycle. She said it'd be no problem, would love to do it, I could rely on her. Blah blah blah. All the usual. Well, as the time got closer and closer, I started to get questions from her to narrow down the date because she had things she needed to plan. I tried to explain that I couldn't narrow down the date very well, as I wouldn't know precisely when it would be until 2 days beforehand. All of a sudden, certain days became very difficult for her and she wondered if I had someone else that could drive me. But luckily for her, that cycle got cancelled and converted to an IUI so I drove myself.

By the time of the next IVF, she volunteered again. Would love to do it, absolutely no problem at all, etc, etc. But as we started getting nearer to the time, all of a sudden, days started getting blocked off. No, she couldn't drive me on that day, as she had a work luncheon she had to go to, and as I couldn't guarantee that she'd be back by noon, she'd have to say no. Another day she was taking her mom out to lunch for her mom's birthday. Why her mom couldn't wait if A. was half an hour late coming back, I'm not sure, but whatever, she's a busy girl, I understand. I arranged for backup friend #1 (K.) to drive me, and she did so very graciously and without a complaint at the amount of time I was taking out of her day. Actually 2 days, because she drove me to embryo transfer as well, on very short notice, because I thought I was allowed to drive myself to that, and only got told the day before that I should have someone else drive me.

This time, K. will be out on maternity leave, or even possibly having her baby on the day of my egg retrieval, backup friend #2 will just be back from maternity leave and I know she won't want to waste time that could either be spent at home with her baby or frantically working in order to get everything done so she can speed home to her baby. And that's just fine, I wouldn't want to impose. So yesterday I asked if A. was available, and I tried to block her time for an entire week 2 months from now. And, she's not available! Already! This time, she's on vacation at the beginning of the time period, which is fine, the girl's allowed a vacation, but said she'd be very happy to take me once she's back. But I know I will need to arrange another backup friend, even for the time during which A. supposedly would be able to help me out, because she's proved in the past that she just doesn't care all that much about making sure she's there for me. I'm just worried that there's no one left who a) knows I'm TTC with IVF, b) won't feel embarrassed (or who I won't be embarrassed in front of) if I have to pee in a bedpan or something, and c) won't resent giving up the time to take me to the doctor's.

Why can't non-TTC friends understand how major IVF is? How I can't possibly arrange the timetable to suit them, and that it all depends on how I react to drugs. How it really doesn't help my stress level to be fretting about arranging a backup driver, even two months in advance. How I'd really rather drive myself or rely on family, but my family is being equally flaky, and I wouldn't ask for help if I didn't need it. Oh well, deep breath. I've got two months to find another backup driver.

There is another girl who knows I'm doing IVF and has in the past said she'd drive me if I need help, but we're not that close really. I guess we're about to become a lot closer... Either that or I make P. take me in payment for getting me drunk and taking incriminating photos of me, but P. doesn't know about my TTC efforts at all yet, and well, he's a guy. I'd be mortified if we got there and one of the nurses told him to go and produce his sample before realizing that he's not my husband! I could always beg my aunt, who lives 75 miles away, but without a set date in advance, it's very hard for her to arrange a day off work to chauffeur me around. I do also have an internet buddy who lives locally and very kindly said last time she could take me if it was one of her days off, but she's more likely to be off at the end of the week than the beginning of the week which I think I'll be hitting this time. So it looks like backup friend #3 is in for some serious schmoozing between now and the end of July!


Stephanie said...

Well, keep me in mind anyway, hon!

If it is a day I can do it (Thursday, Friday, or Sunday), I don't even mind short notice!

And, on Tuesdays, I don't need to be to work until 4 if that helps you! :-)

I know that you will find a way! :-)

Sarah S. said...

Awww, thanks Stephanie! You're making me all teary-eyed.

See how wonderful internet buddies are, blogosphere? They are the BEST!