Sunday, June 11, 2006

A case of the blahs

I've been feeling blah all weekend, ever since the England football game and I don't really know why. It could be caused by the BCPs, but otherwise I have no reason for it. Unless England's crappy lackluster performance has affected me more deeply than I care to admit. But mostly, I just am so fed up about not being pregnant or a mom yet. I just wish it was me, already.

I know, you don't want to read a whiny post, you want sass, comedy, and lightheartedness. You want to read about a funny situation I just got in. Well, sometimes it's hard to come by sass and good cheer when you're eaten up with jealousy at all the women who get pregnant easily. I try to tell myself that infertility has given me gifts as well as angst. That I will appreciate my children so much more when they get here, because I will truly realize what miracles they are. I have stored up so many ideas of places to take my kids to have fun, and cool gear to buy that I shouldn't be at a loss very often of things to do with them. I have become more sensitive towards others' feelings. Yes, I used to be one of those naive people who pretty much constantly stick their foot in their mouth - always asking when married friends were going to have kids, or when they were going to have their second one. Making comments to pregnant women on how big they've become, or saying I didn't like the names they'd picked out. But it was all done out of ignorance and stupidity. I mean, pregnancy is so amazing that you want to say something, especially when you haven't seen someone for ages. And when you're as interested in pregnancy as I've always been, I just wanted to talk about it because as a single gal I couldn't ever admit to yearning to be pregnant myself. I always had to temper it with, well when I meet the right man...

I know better now. I am all about telling pregnant friends that they look wonderful. And they always do. I would never ever again ask someone if they're planning to have kids, or tell them its about time they got on with it, just in case they have been struggling with infertility. Though wouldn't it be better if we could all talk about it openly? I would never again diss someone's name choice - after all, it's their kid, they can name it whatever they please. So, there you go, God, I'm a better person these days. Now can I have my baby? What else am I supposed to do to get my good karma points high enough to equal one baby?

I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been moping about the house all day. I should get out and have some fun, but the weather is blah too, so that's just conspiring with the blah mood gods to keep me in the house watching crap TV and re-reading Harry Potter. But even Harry Potter isn't doing it for me, which is not really surprising as I must have read all the books at least 20 times, and book 7 won't be out for at least another year. Blah.


Calliope said...

sorry for the blahs.
ain't nothing to fix them :(

ugh...& now it is monday.

katty said...

Hello. I tagged you. If that's ok?

Aimee said...

Sarah ((((big hugs)))) You are not alone! I could feel your pain as I read your latest blog entry. It will happen soon Sarah. Just takes longer for some woman to conceive. I don't understand it, very frustrating! I am going to keep you in my heaart and prayers and hope that your next IVF is a BFP!!!
Hang in there, patience is definitely a virtue in the TTC world.