Monday, June 09, 2008

Las Vegas: not exactly set up for pedestrians

I am here in Las Vegas.  It's IVF a-go-go.

I've got to say my weekend was fantastic.  I am so so in awe of how much things have changed for me all of a sudden.  I just had so much fun playing with the babies and NO bitter jealousy at all.  Wow.  In fact, as I was sitting at the airport waiting for my (delayed) plane on to LV, I started weeping tears of joy and gratitude as I was listening to groovy songs on the old ipod and thinking back over the last 5 days.  So if you were in a certain airport on Sunday night, and saw some girl with a goofy grin on her face, purple earphones and a purple handbag (oh yes I did buy purple earphones), and tears rolling down her cheeks, that was me.  I promise they were happy tears.  Because I am, finally, fundamentally happy with my lot.

And thank you all so much for the kind comments.  I used to believe that it wasn't possible to reach peace with infertility.  But it is, trust me.  If you are struggling right now, oh I know how it is.  I was there for the longest time.  And part of me will stay there with you.  But there can be a way through and a way out.  I am so lucky to have found it.  SO lucky, I know.

I'm staying at the hotel down the street from the new swank LV clinic location.  Last time I was a block away, and yet had rented a car that cost me a fortune.  As I walked to the clinic every day and hardly went anywhere else due to stims bloat and tiredness, it seemed like a massive waste of money to have a car.  So I figured I'd see how it went this time without one.  Except that it's 105 degrees and the clinic is 1.1 miles from the hotel this time so it's a tad bit harder to get by.  

Actually the walk wasn't too bad.  Have floppy sunhat, will travel, and all that.  It helps that I live somewhere pretty darn hot too, so I'm used to it. The snag was getting lunch afterwards.  I'd noticed a big group of restaurants on the other side of the street, a little way back from the hotel.  In the other direction from the clinic.  So I walked 1.1 miles to get wanded, crossed the street at the nice pedestrian friendly traffic light up there, and walked 1.2(ish) miles back for lunch.  And then couldn't cross the effing street to get back to the hotel.  The closest lights had big "no pedestrian" signs everywhere, to prevent people crossing the street there.  Then there was some big freeway junction that I didn't fancy walking over either.  The next set of lights back in the direction of the clinic were at least a quarter of a mile away. At least.  If not a half a mile.  And with four lanes in each direction of speeding traffic coming at me, and no median/island in the middle.  Except for one teeny bit of curb at a point a little way off.  I dithered for a long time about jaywalking when I got level with the median.  No break in the traffic was forthcoming, so I gave up and walked off towards the traffic lights again.  Which seemed to be receding further and further into the distance.  And then there was a huge gap in traffic.  But no median.  So I thought "bugger this" and walked back to where the median was, figuring if I got arrested I'd give the cops a piece of my mind about how the setup practically forces pedestrians to take their lives in their hands.  No gap in traffic so I stood there like an idiot for an age.  I dithered again, and almost set off again towards the lights when a good jaywalking opportunity finally opened up so I darted across.

Ridiculous, I tell you.  They actually have nice sidewalks which have a little curvy, winding path with plants on either side, very good for walking along.  Apart from the vacant lots where you have to walk over gravel.  But there is no way to get from the sidewalks to the shops or offices, so you have to walk over the flower beds to get there, or go around to the parking lot entrance.  And no way to cross the damn road for almost a fucking mile in either direction.  It's like the city was built by people with no concept of why anyone would want to be on the nice pretty sidewalks.  And the crazy thing?  I was by no means the only pedestrian, as you might have imagined, despite it being so hot.  I tell ya, I would be writing angry letters to the local paper if I lived here.  Not that anyone would care.  But use your brains, city planners, use your effing brains.  It's a bus route too, so I thought of taking the bus when I go back, but then I'd have the street crossing issue again.  I guess I might be ordering in for dinner. 

OK, on to the clinic.  The new location is much MUCH swanker and nicer than the old one.  Except they kept some of the old pink stuff from the vagina palace and I guess felt the need to match the decor to the pink exam tables.  But fear not, they didn't go back into the 80's again, but went with peach, brown and cream decor.  Still not exactly my cup of tea, but much better than the floor to ceiling pink they had previously.

The RE pronounced that I have 11 follicles, ranging in size from 11mm to 16mm.  He said he didn't think the 11's (or even the 12's) would catch up but we'll see what's going on on Wednesday and decide whether to trigger then or if we'll push it until Thursday.  If there's only one or two out in front, I think I will push to go an extra day in the hopes that the rest will catch up.  But we'll see.  Dr. F. doesn't know about my super fast follicle growth that can happen, so I have some hope for the smaller guys.


Just want to say that I am not an internet genius, so if you post a comment asking a question, but don't include an email address or have a blog where I can post you a comment in return, it's hard for me to answer because I can't track you down.  I guess I could answer in posts, but my blog is disjointed enough as it is!  I also don't particularly want to publish my email address for the world to see because after all some people think that SMC's are the spawn of the devil for wanting to reproduce without a husband, so you don't know which crackpots will want to send me nice messages.

But OK, I'll try answering some questions.  1.  I think endometrial coculture can be a good option, but frankly if the eggs are chromosomally bad, will it help?  I don't think so.  Coculture gave me pretty embryos, but no pregnancy.  I don't think it can change fundamentally bad eggs.  2.  I live on the east coast of FL, not the west coast, so don't know about RE's over there.   3.  I already have a modeling contract, thanks, so don't need an agent right now, although I think I could squeeze in a multimillion dollar cosmetic campaign if you really want me. *

*OK, so one of those answers is to a hypothetical question.  I bet you can't guess which one.


DC said...

Good luck with your cycle!! Are you cycling with Dr. Sher? I have a friend who just finished up with "Camp IVF" in Vegas.

11 follies sounds great! Grow follies, GROW!! :)


Tricia said...

I hope your new-found peace carries you through this last IVF cycle. IVF really messes with your Shen.
I'll still be crossing fingers and toes for you, but what an achievement to come this far, give it your heart and soul and be able to walk away at peace at the end of it all no matter what. I have so much admiration for you!

Cindy said...

I also never thought I'd find peace after infertility. However, you are so much stronger than I am because I only found it after I became a foster mom. It's like jumping from one relationship to the other...I just transferred my feelings about my fertility pursuit to a life of motherhood. I am not sure if I could have handled things as well as you have without that in place to "help" me through it. So, I wonder what will happen to me after (well, IF there's an after) my foster son is gone? Kwim? Anyway, enough rambling about me, lol! I am so happy you have found this peace. It is a wonderful place to be. :)

Anonymous said...

Sarah, 11 follicles is great!
And I'm so glad you enjoyed the weekend, I really did too. :)
I'm especially glad that you were able to enjoy yourself around the babies. They just loved you...
Looking forward to more good updates from this cycle. And hopefully you'll be able to get to the clinic w/o getting arrested,

Jess said...

Good luck on this cycle Sarah. Wishing you continued peace and tears of happiness. xoxo