Thursday, February 14, 2008

Positivity vs. Realism

Thank you for embryo-cheering and general stickety-stick vibes. Keep 'em coming, because they are sorely needed!

Quite strangely, I had my "chart review" yesterday with LV Clinic. Yes, I decided to sign up with them even though they may well be selling me the latest and greatest advertising fad. But they are saying that this new stim protocol could very well help me, and my old RE's tell me that different stim protocols don't have that much of an effect. So if LV Clinic is right, it could work, and if my old RE's are right, then the different stim protocol at least won't hurt anything. So I paid a fully-refundable deposit to secure my place in the March/April cycle, and they called while I was snoozing post-transfer on Tuesday to book a time to go over the medication protocol.

It is quite surreal trying to remain positive and think about my lovely little blastocyst, and you know, I really am hopeful that this time it could finally work. And yet having a consultation with an RE's office about the next cycle should this one not work. But I am a realist, and I do know that even a great-looking stat of 40% success means that more women fail than succeed. Oh, and LV Clinic knows all about the FET by the way, and have been super sweet and nice about wishing me luck and hoping that I don't need to go out to LV to cycle there. And we've arranged everything so I don't have to pay the cycle fee and sign up for real until after the beta for this cycle. But, they are realists too, so haven't questioned why I am signing up now. So, if it doesn't work I would be going straight on BCP on cycle day 1, and then starting lupron on March 7th. Which is not very far away at all really. Seems odd to just swing straight into a cycle, but why not? I am hoping that the fact that my hormones have been controlled since before Christmas might work in my favor, as if androgens are an issue of mine, then maybe this will have helped to limit them all through development of whatever eggs I am going to pop in March/April.

Anyway, that's what's up with me. Mostly I am feeling good and positive, but I am already hating people IRL who are telling me that I've got to remain positive when I even so much as hint that it might not work. So basically they're saying that my past failures are due to a lack of positive thinking and that anything less than full-on pollyanna-ish stars-in-my-eyes buying maternity clothes already super positive thinking is going to mean that this one won't work either. Well, bullshit to that. I think the fact that I'm still trying after all this time shows that I am a positive and hopeful person, and I bet each of those "friends" of mine would have given up long ago. I sincerely hope that I can prove them wrong this time so they can see that acknowledging that "it might not work" is not the absolutely worst thing I could say or do. And I sincerely hope that I can use the LV Clinic money for something much more rewarding and fun than yet another IVF cycle.

5 comments:

suzzcq70 said...

I think signing up is a good idea. If you don't need it, GREAT! ut if you do, you already have the next step planned, and can look forward to it.

I did the same thing on my last IVF cycle before our donor embryo cycle. We were scheduled to meet the donors 3 days after my beta for the IVF cycle. But, I never had a beta, b/c it never went to transfer. So I never had time to be sad, b/c I was on to the next step. And that was great, b/c my 5 month old is ours now, as a result!

Stay strong, Sarah!

Anonymous said...

The only way I am able to stay sane about the whole process is to treat it as thus. I don’t expect any one cycle to work, I always hope the present one will but I don’t expect it. I do expect that one of them will, maybe it will be this one, who knows?
I wish you the best on this one and I think you are right to plan the next.
Marnina

Sara said...

Well, I really really hope that this lovely blast makes it, but I think you're smart to plan ahead. Good luck!

mygoddesswithin said...

Realism rocks. Nuff said? *I* think so!

Almamay said...

Hi Sarah! Personally I've found a plan B always helps. I don't think it is negative thinking for your current cycle. Planning passes the time as well.

About your old friends I say this. You have been expertly advised by some of the biggest brains working in IF. Your old friend probably don't even know when they ovulate. Have your doctors told you that you have the wrong mental attitude? I suspect not. I hope with all my heart you prove those old friends wrong very soon.