Tuesday, February 19, 2008

7dp5dt

More torture.  When I got home from work yesterday, the test I did in the morning had faded so much it was very obviously fainter than the previous day's test.  So I despaired again, until I realized that the horizontal line had faded right along with the test line, so I tried to tell myself it was a dye issue.  And I was somewhat successful in that.  I also repeated Gabby's comments to myself like a mantra (thanks Gabby!) that I could be going from a beta of 10 to 15 or something like that, and still be OK.  And those betas are pretty damn hard for tests to pick up so I shouldn't be surprised if it's hard to see any difference in color.


I just wish I was one of those blissfully ignorant women who see a line and are immediately planning the nursery.  But of course infertility has ruined all that for me.  For all of us, really. And besides, those blissfully ignorant women are usually testing after their periods are already late, so they get nice thick dark lines to start out.  I should stop comparing myself and wishing that I was somebody else.  This is who I am, fragile, battered and on many occasions, hopeless.   But beta day is Friday, so I will know by then.  This particular torture will be over, and it will be on to other tortures.

And I mustn't forget that after last cycle I promised myself that I wouldn't use HPTs, that I'd wait until beta.  And then I decided that if the faint tests I have are the only evidence of a chemical pregnancy, then I'd rather see them and mourn my pregnancy than be in ignorance.  I don't know if that makes sense to anyone other than me, but I've had two documented chemicals and two other cycles where the HPTs also gave me faint positives that had already faded by beta time.  And as my clinic doesn't give a beta value below 5, I got negative betas and no indication of anything.  So were those two also chemical pregnancies or test malfunctions? I'll never know, of course, but if at the end of this process I never end up with a child, at least I can look back on potentially 4 chemical pregnancies and think of my plucky little embryos that tried hard.

OK, on to the tests.  Sorry I didn't explain them before.  These are +/- tests.  The control line is on the right, and the test is on the left.  If positive, it should show a nice "+" and if negative it should show a "-".  So the horizontal line is always there, and we're looking for a vertical line bisecting it to form the plus sign.   And I've taken the little test strips out of the cartridges because a) they dry quicker that way and b) they are easier to photograph.

The good news is that I'm getting identifiable lines quicker.  On Sunday it really didn't appear in the form of a line until about an hour after I peed on it - prior to that it was more a fuzzy accumulation of dye clustered around the place where the line would be.  Yesterday, I had an identifiable line within about 3 minutes.  Today it was within about 3 seconds.   So that's all good.  I just wish I had a nice dark line so that I could reassure myself.  I know, I know, always wanting what I can't have!

This is test 1 (Sunday, or 5dp5dt) at the top vs. test 3 (today, or 7dp5dt) at the bottom.  I think today's is darker!

DSCF0254

19 comments:

Jackie said...

Yup, it's there. And it's also the correct thickness, which is important. I'm keeping everything crossed.

calliope said...

it IS darker! Lined up like that I can actually see Sunday's test better as well.

man...I wonder what it is like to be one of those blissful and unaware people...I bet it is pretty dull.

heh.

xoxo

suzzcq70 said...

Looking good! May I suggest you get a pink test . . . I did both pink and blue tests in the one and only cycle I ever got a + hpt, and I found the pink lines show up better (yes, did both on each day. I am crazy!). My favorite is Answer Early Result.

Jess said...

Definitely there and definitely darker! So happy to see that! Here's hoping for the "nice thick dark line" in the near future!!

Aimee said...

Today's pee stick is definitely darker!! Remember, FET BETA's are slower to rise!! Hang in there!! Positive thoughts, always!!!

Anonymous said...

It's DEFINITELY darker!
Oh, wow, baby!
You've got something going on there!!!
-Margie

gabby said...

Oh yeah, it's definitely darker. And the time it takes to show up is a huge change too. Can I second suzzcq70's request for a pink test. I know you probably don't want to buy more tests but I had much better luck with them. I liked Accu-clear for their usually dark lines and FRERs can be pretty good too. Fingers crossed!!!!!

bleu said...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go get a different kind of test, a pink dye test. I was going through my old files and remembered that the blue dye tests are the ones I had my false positives on. I got 4 positives and a beta of less that 2/
I just want you to have the best info, I hope I am not being a wet rag.
I want this so badly for you and am practically breathless about it right now.

Heather said...

Hell yeah!! The bottom one is TOTALLY darker than the top one!

orodemniades said...

It's not your imagination, that line is darker!!

Care said...

Oh yeah, today's test is definately darker!

Cindy said...

No question there! You are definitely pregnant! Can't wait for your beta!

Elowyn said...

Today's is definitely darker (sorry I didn't comment before - was OOT.) Am hoping for you, always.

Amy said...

Definitely darker! Fingers crossed for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! No doubt there is a line there.

RJ said...

I concur, there is a light blue horizontal line there!! Definitely more reason to continue with the HOPE!!! Are you doing any afternoon/evening testing?

Amy said...

I also recommend a pink dye test!!!

j said...

can't wait to see what tomorrow will look like.. there is totally something there!!!!!!!!
j

Sam said...

Ah ha! Now I understand. Thank you for the explanation. Now that I know what to look for, I can see both lines, and one is darker. Yay!

Anonymous said...

OK, I can't wait to see tomorrow's test. It is darker and within the time frame too. I would also suggest a pink test, and hey-you might even try a digital. I'd bet that would pick up a pregnant.