We are go for trigger

Holy jumping E2, batman!

I'm in a pretty good mood- my E2 jumped from 936 yesterday to 1,752 today, and the u/s showed I have 7 follicles >20mm, 1 at 17.5mm, 1 at 15.5mm and 1 or 2 smaller. I'm so happy the E2 jumped up, as I was worrying that some of the follicles were empty. Well, they still could be, but I'll find that out on Wednesday I guess. I am triggering tonight at 11pm, and egg retrieval is on Wednesday morning at 10am.

All in all, I can't complain about this cycle. I mean, I'd love more eggs, and I'd have loved my left ovary to have responded like my right ovary did, but we got what we wanted - a more even stimulation. And OK, I'm still going a little early, as I'm triggering on cycle day 10, but I stimmed for a day longer as I started earlier this time. So hopefully the quality will be improved over last time. Hopefully. You see, there's me not being able to be entirely positive. There's still that niggling little bit of doom and gloom that I didn't respond better.

It's funny how you always compare yourself in this infertility shit. I don't know why I can't just be happy happy happy about my good response, but then I read something from someone with 30 eggs and think "lucky bitch". I think about people who are younger than me with their better eggs, I think about better responders than me, others think about people like me having the money to afford to do this more than once, and for being younger than they are. We're all jealous over something and yet we're all in this together. In fact, I was doing my customary trawl through PubMed over the weekend, and got so freakin' angry about some of the research projects about the ethics of IVF and trying to prevent people doing any more than single embryo transfer and all the other bullshit, and I was thinking that those people are the enemy. The ones who don't understand the pain of infertility and who just look at things dispassionately and say "IVF babies have a greater than normal risk of certain birth defects so more study is needed before making IVF available to the public". The ones I just want to scream at, grab by the shoulders and shake violently. The ones I want to tell to bite me. The ones who don't understand the need, pure and simple, to have children. So why on earth do I waste energy being jealous of some other infertile who has a better response than me? Why do others waste energy being jealous of me for anything? I mean, just as there's always someone on the beach thinner than you, fatter than you, prettier than you and uglier than you, there's always someone who does better than you at IVF and someone that does worse. And yet, that's just human nature, eh? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.