Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Yes, I do know how to spell melancholy. It's a Smashing Pumpkins reference. Trying to be arty here, people.

Anyway, my post yesterday involved me trying to hold on to thinking about good things, but it's been slipping away from me. I've found that the initial lupron irritation has been replaced by meloncholy and sadness. Mostly sadness about being in this situation and being on my own. And about the finances. And about where the end of the line is coming, and if it's going to be after this cycle. But it's OK. I prefer sadness to anger, as it's much more of a normal emotion for me. I am so not an angry person that it just freaks me out hugely when I feel that taking hold of me. I don't feel like myself and I feel out of control. But sadness? Yeah, well, there's been a lot of that over the years, and at least I can be placid and sad at the same time. Nobody around me bats an eyelid at, or suffers from, me being sad.

The odd thing is that I'm still really positive about this cycle. I really feel like this one could work. I'm very happy we switched to long lupron, because I think it will help with the crazy fast stimming. I'm happy that I made the decision to add more protein to my diet. I'm happy that I'm keeping the stress down so far. All in all, it's going well. I even started knitting my baby blanket again. The one I've basically been working on since the early days of TTC, which gets put away far too much because I give up hope. But when I'm hopeful I knit. Hey, I might even finish it this cycle, you never know. So it's quite odd that my heart and body feel sad when my brain feels positive. Quite odd indeed. At least I only have 4 more days of BCPs, so that will lessen the hormonal load somewhat.

Got another roofing quote yesterday, which was $2800 less than the first one, and about $10,000 less than I initially anticipated, so that's all good. I'm actually getting quite excited about having a new pretty roof, instead of one that's old and cracked with moss and ferns growing out of it that drip black gunk onto the front step. Not stepping in black gunk every day will definitely be nice!