Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Gainesville Report, part 2

I really wasn't going to post today. I thought a nice little holiday from blogging would be cool. And here I am. Because, well, wow.

I don't know about other infertiles, but since reading Julia Indichova's book, Inconceivable, I've been waiting for that "aha" moment. The "so this is why I had to go through infertility" moment. Julia thought that her child was waiting for her to get healthy before conceiving. Me, I feel like I've tried everything, without success. Other women have amazing success with acupuncture, giving up coffee or alcohol, drinking concoctions of wheatgrass, doing yoga, whatever. I've tried it all, it seems and was getting nowhere.

And then I came here. Today has been painful physically. They have been freeing up areas of my body that have been tight for decades. Trust me, it tears and burns and stings when someone is forcing your fascia to stretch. But then I had this realization. I couldn't have gotten pregnant in that state. I would have been a mess. How would my body have coped with the rigors of pregnancy, with all that stretching and moving of organs?  All that extra weight and need for bloodflow.  Not to mention the potential for it to inflict more chronic pain and body changes on me. So then I had the "oh, I would never have done this therapy and been able to heal from these adhesions and restrictions without infertility" realization. I felt that something good had finally come out of it for me. And not only will this help me get pregnant (I hope), it will enable me to live in less pain for years to come (I hope).

I feel like this is what I was meant to do. And that is an awesome and humbling feeling that I'm profoundly grateful for. Even if I'm sore and tired right now.
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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow.
just. wow.

an "a-ha" moment is pretty fucking amazing.

namaste said...

This is so exciting! I'm so glad that you're feeling this is helpful after all the wondering and worrying. Hooray!!!