e flipping harmony

So, the last time I actually tried seriously to find a man, just before I started TTC'ing, I joined eharmony. I couldn't seem to connect with anyone, got one of my coworkers as a match (who I knew I did NOT want to date), and generally gave it up after a few feeble efforts at communicating with inappropriate guys. Since then they've sent me a few "matches" at random intervals over the years, as an enticement to join back up again. This time, just after my IVF BFN, I started getting matches again. In fact, I got about eight matches over the space of two days. I ignored them. Apart from heaving a little sigh at the rotten timing of it all - just when I have my spirits ground down by another IVF failure, why not send me emails reminding me that I don't have anyone to share my sorrow with? Great timing, universe.

Then I get an email today saying that Russ from a town near me wanted to communicate. Just for shits and giggles I logged on, to see if it would let me see his details without paying. I couldn't see the photo without paying, but hey. And nothing he put in the profile that I was able to see matched up with anything I would have gone for had I been a picky husband-hunter looking for lifelong companionship and good genetic stock for her babies, as I used to be. But then, I'm doing IVF now with donor sperm, I'm not that desperate any more for good genes, or what seems to be more rare, a single guy in his 40's who actually wants kids. So I thought I'd answer Russ' questions to me. And it let me fill in my answers before the site closed down on me and demanded payment. And if you pay month-by-month it is $59.95!! Holy crap!

Bah humbug. I mean, I am desperate for some sex, I would still like to meet a husband at some point, but honestly I don't know if it's worth forking over $60 just to see if this guy wants to meet up. I could probably do just as good hanging out at the bar in my hotel in Gainesville. Except that I'm not very good at flirting, so that'll probably get me nowhere fast.

But what really gets me is that I wonder if these guys know that I'm not even a member any more. Does this site get their hopes up that they have a match, and then leave them hanging when the person doesn't respond? I would think that would not be good for your ego, because you'd think it was something about you that the person didn't like. I know I felt deflated on that site if someone didn't respond to me. Is this how they inflate their numbers of matches? That if you cancel your membership you can still be in the database years later with your details sent out to any random guy in the area? It just doesn't seem to be a very honest, or kind, way of dealing with your members. And definitely does not give me the warm fuzzies about joining again.

Oh, and the coworker I got matched up with initially? He got married on Saturday to a girl he met on the same site, just after our ill-fated match was emailed to both of us. Thankfully they've both moved to a different city now, but I used to meet up with them for Sunday breakfast, and they'd be all smug about how it worked for them, and tell me I should give it another go. Bah humbug indeed. I bet she'll get knocked up on honeymoon, just to really rub salt in my wounds.