Saturday, September 23, 2006

Boiling over the freezer people

OK, now I'm fuming mad.

I got a call on Thursday from the long term embryo storage place that my RE uses, saying my frozen embryo had been transferred to them, but as I was a single person I needed to fill in a different form from the one I signed when I started the IVFs.

Yes, I have a frozen embryo and am still doing fresh cycles. But my RE doesn't give good odds for having anything to transfer if we do a frozen cycle with just one embryo, because they don't always survive the thaw. And we both decided that it was best to keep trying with the fresh cycles while my eggs are under 40, in case I get lucky and end up with another frozen embryo that would give me a better chance later for a sibling. If we ever succeed at getting me pregnant with #1, that is!

First of all, I'm pretty annoyed that the embryo has been transferred without advanced notice, but I guess it was created in my April cycle so it's coming up to 6 months old and I probably signed some sort of agreement to that. Of course, they want a $400 annual fee for storing the embryo, which is payable NOW. And the amount is the same whether I have one lonely little frostie as I have, or 15.

But what is really ticking me off is the consent form for a "single client depositor" arrived in the mail today. It is totally different from the form for a couple. It has to be notarized for a start, which is pretty fucking annoying. Then, it says that to release the embryos back to my RE for placement into me, I have to have another fucking notarized form and I have to complete serology/virology tests required by the company. WTF? This is my embryo, I had to have HIV tests done before creating it, as did the sperm donor, my RE requires me to have annual HIV tests to keep on their books, and now another company can decide to make me have yet more fucking tests at their discretion to put my HIV-free embryo into my proven HIV-free body. Grrrr. Hopefully they'd take the RE's requirement as good enough, but what if they don't?

However, the worst thing is that there's now no option for donating the embryo to scientific research in the event of my death, or at my choosing. So, if I was in a couple my embryo would be worthy of research, but as I'm single it's the fucking trash for it or nothing? Actually, I lie here, there is an option for embryo donation, but there are so many hoops to jump through, including that me (magically prior to my death) and the donor both have to have gone through the company's required serology/virology tests too, in addition to completing medical histories and screening requested by the company, and the company, in its sole discretion, determines that the applicable standards for donation have been met. Yeah, like that is at all possible. I guess if they decide that the sperm donor's history is not good enough, that's the end of that, because there's no chance of contacting him for more info now, is there? Oh, and it looks like they choose the donor agency/recipient, so I'm not sure how I'd give them to a friend or family member if that was what I wanted to do.

It just seems unfair. I mean, probably none of this matters in the long run. I can't see me having any more than 2 or 3 frozen embryos in total, even if the next cycle is an amazing success. I have always figured I will do a frozen cycle at some point to use my little frostie(s), even if I end up with twins from my next cycle. [Hey, a girl can dream, right?] So if everything goes according to plan, I won't die, and there won't be leftovers that I will be agonizing about when my family is complete. But still, I want to be able to direct where my frozen offspring will end up. I don't want it/them just trashed, even if I'm dead. What an unnecessary waste that would be, when it/they could potentially help in some small way if it/they were used for research. And I'm sorry, but I don't want them to be donated to an agency. If they get donated at all, I want to have some control over that too - like I want to be able to specify that they go to a friend or family member, or a fellow SMC, or a lesbian or gay couple, or pretty much to anyone other than organizations like Snowflakes and their "religious" agenda.


Care said...

Boy, that makes me mad just reading about it. It's ridiculous that companies are allowed to discriminate in this manner.

namaste said...

Hmmph. That just sucks in many ways. It almost feels like they're holding your little totsicle hostage and if you don't play by their rules... dum dum da dum....

Oh well. Hopefully your trip won't be this stressful? xo

Kim said...

It sucks so hard, the way us singletons have to go through so many hoops! >:( Hon, I hope you enjoy your vacation, and can relax & drink a lot of wine. Big hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

what???? that is insane. I wonder if you can create your own "will" of sorts & use that. fuck their forms!