Thursday, April 17, 2008

Holy Fucking Crap

The RE just called with the CGH results. Yup, they did them within a week, which is amazingly fast.

ALL the embryos were hopelessly abnormal, each with multiple problems. In fact, just so you know how bad they are, here's the results:

Embryo 1: trisomy 1, 6, 8, 12, 18 (trisomy meaning 3 copies of the chromosome instead of 2).
Embryo 2: trisomy 1, 8, 16, 19, 20, + monosomy 18 (monosomy meaning 1 copy of the chromosome instead of 2).
Embryo 3: trisomy 12, 20, monosomy 2, 13.
Embryo 4: trisomy 4, 19.
Embryo 5: trisomy 1, 3, 19, monosomy 2.

Holy crap indeed. No wonder I wasn't getting pregnant. These are appallingly bad results, although I did ask them if they were spectacularly bad and he said that they are finding that where embryos are abnormal there are usually multiple issues with them. So he didn't seem that surprised.

I am seriously bummed. I mean, god, I expected maybe a trisomy 21 or something but having one embryo with 6 chrosomomal errors out of 23, and having the best one with 2 errors is quite sobering.

Needless to say, he suggested donor egg.

I said I'd signed up for the two cycle plan, and I intended to do both of them with my own eggs, then would stop. So he's going to think up what we can do differently with the drug protocol, and we will talk again on Tuesday to see what ideas he has.

Fuck.

But hey, at least CGH did its job, right? I got some answers. Boy, did I get some answers.

40 comments:

Pepper said...

De-lurking to say "Holy effing crap" is right! I wish I had something better to say, but I am just stunned. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I'm so sorry.

calliope said...

I'm with Pepper- the word is most certainly 'stunned'.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Seriously.

sending you love and wishing there was something to be DONE.

Sue said...

I'm sorry you didn't receive better news, but I appreciate you sharing. At least you have an answer now.

Melissa said...

Oh, Sarah-
My heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine what you are feeling. Of course answers are good, but jeez. Wow......
No wonder you weren't getting pregnant all that time.
Please don't think I'm ignorant or stupid, but is there any chance that these chromosomal abnormalities are from the sperm donor's "side" and not your eggs? I just don't know enough about how it works.
Sending hugs and prayers.

bleu said...

FUCK!
I was NOT expecting that, at all.
This does definitely give you more info, that is for sure but hell that is shocking.

I am even writing my doc about it just since you know the history there.

Much love hun.

Deb said...

Wow... uh, I just have no words. Sorry to hear this. But yes, the testing did do its job and that is heartbreaking good news. Take care of you!

Jen said...

Whoa. I'm sorry that you're facing this. Staggering, really.

orodemniades said...

Wow. I mean...good gods. Sometimes the answers absolutely suck. I wish there was something I could say to make these results better.

sandra said...

i'm so sorry

Staci said...

I am so sorry to see your news :( . I had the same experience this last cycle with 4 out of 5 coming back abnormal and one inconclusive (which just means they couldn't test it and the likelihood is it's also abnormal). So, I fully understand how much it sucks to go through all of that then not have anything out of it. I just try to tell myself it's still better than having gone through the transfer and gotten a negative result. At least I don't have to analyze everything I did in the 2ww wondering where I went wrong.

I've done 3 CGH cycles now and my abnormal embryos have always had numerous abnormalities as well.

I did have a few normal ones out of prior cycles though so I still have hope that you could get better results in your next cycle. Dr. S. always says that no normals in one cycle doesn't mean you're not going to have any normal ones in a subsequent cycle. Some of it is just odds (yes, I know...odds which never seem to fall in the favor of some of us).

Of course, it's best to be prepared with an alternative option like you are but I definitely think it's worth one more try. I'm considering donor eggs myself if the next transfer doesn't work.

Hang in there.

Big hug,

Staci

Cindy said...

Oh my gosh! You are right. No wonder it's not working. Can you use that second cycle for donor egg?

I am so sorry. :(

Elowyn said...

(((S))) I'm so sorry to see this. Damn. Talk about a shock to the system.

I wish you all the best with the second cycle.

luna said...

sarah, I came over from L&F. I am so so sorry. hard to believe, I'm sure. to say that it really effing sucks is such an understatement. you must feel like you've been kicked right in the gut. I'm just so sorry. ~luna

Heather said...

I'm so sorry, Sweetie.

This is shocking and it does fucking suck.

Jess said...

I've been trying to think of something to say but still can't come up with much. All I know is that this is just not fair...you have tried so, so hard and you deserve better results than this. I hope the doctor has some good ideas when you talk next week. I'm just so sorry.

Tash said...

Here from L&F, and just want to pitch in my holy fuck as well. We apparently have another staggeringly awful problem, but not chromosomal (nor do they know the gene, so we're really hosed) and are considering donor gametes ourselves. Am interested in what happens next for you, and will read along if you don't mind. I'm so sorry, nothing like finding out your body spits out utter garbage lethal to babies.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I was really hoping and praying for one tiny, little perfect egg for you! I'm very sorry for you.

Kimnlogan

Alacrity said...

Hi Sarah -

Wow. Fuck is right.

I am so sorry - I know that this is not the news you wanted to be getting.

That just sucks.

Hugs,
Alacrity

Aimee & Hannah said...

Holy f*cking sucatash. :-( I'm so sorry Sarah! It's good to know the results of them before you actually transfered these. I'd go with the 2nd fresh cycle too, you could get a good egg(s) out of it. Don't lose hope on your eggs just yet.

Almamay said...

Oh Sarah, I'm so so sorry to hear your news. Very sad indeed. x

Carey said...

Ugh... I'm so sorry about this.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry Sara!!! have you been using the same donor the whole time? Not sure if the donor might have something to do with it?

Tanya said...

delurking to say how sad I am about those results...and i totally agree that you signed up for 2 cycles and should do two...it's just more information for you--and it won't be any worse. as someone who remembers you from the very beginning of all this on FF (and who is still trying--one more ivf before i move to adoption), i feel like i have a sense of how depressing/frustrating/shocking the news is, especially in the context of years of trying...sometimes i think about all the things i would have done in the last 4 years if someone could have told me that nothing was going to happen for all that time (not to mention all the money i could have saved!). I'm also not ready to give up altogether yet, but it's hard and for some of us, it hasn't gotten easier yet....lots of good thoughts your way
Tanya

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

Delurking--so sorry for your results. Wish you had gotten better news, this really sucks.
Hang in there and take care of yourself while you decide what your next steps will be. Sending hugs your way.

Mama said...

We wrote way back before you went to NY clinic (I had gone there and had success after five unsuccesful rounds of IVF locally). I just wanted to let you know that we did PGD with two rounds at the local clinic and our embryos all looked like yours- even worse, really- I had some with five copies of certain chromosomes, none of another, three gender chromosomes, etc. I was so freaked out. But when we went to NY Clinic and they changed the protocol a little, we ended up with three perfectly normal embryos. RE there said that protocol can screw up embies as much as anything else; so maybe a change in protocol will help. I hope so. Hang in there.

Care said...

Damn, I'm sorry Sarah.

Meg said...

I'm so very sorry. It's great to have some answers but I wish the news was better.

gypsygrrl said...

cali sent me...
i dont have any words but just wanted to tell you i am here, another IVP member sending you love and praying for you on your journey.
and a big hug (((((sarah))))) cuz it sure a hell sounds like you could use some...

xo,
gypsy

Kat said...

I'm so sorry. I hope 'mama' is right and that a change in protocol will make the difference for you next time.

I will ask - is there any point in doing the testing again next time? Does it improve the chances of implantation for a normal embryo if it's put in by itself rather than with other (abnormal) embryos? I think that's the question I would ask....

I imagine this explains your chemical pregnancies? And this is probably what's been going on since the beginning...?

I'm so very sorry that you had these results - I know how much you were hoping for one perfect embryo.

Katkun (Kat)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Sarah! I'm in shock, like you and everyone else.
I'm just so sorry...
I hope the pp's are right about a change in protocol making a difference in the egg quality.
Sending hugs and kisses your way...
Again, I'm so very sorry.
-Margie

Sara said...

I'm stunned, and so sad to hear this news. Like everyone, I was really hoping that you were going to get the OTHER answer. I'm so sorry.

katty said...

I'm really, really, sorry Sarah.

Casey4 said...

Sarah,

I am so sorry for your news.

Anonymous said...

Wow, no words really, except for sorry, which doesn't really cut it. Damn, I'm sorry. Deb (Deb2You2)

Anonymous said...

Son of a mother effen bitch!! Sarah I am so sorry to hear this. I have no words. ((((((HUGS))))))

Ceecee

Rachel said...

Wow. Such horrible news. Though it sounds awful, it must feel good to at least have a little bit of an explanation. So sorry.

gabby said...

OMG, that is so awful. I know at the same time it is nice to have answers but when the answers stink so badly, it hurts like hell. Hopefully a protocol tweak will give you at least one normal embryo.

sarah said...

Sorry the answers were so awful. Keeping you in mind.

Jackie said...

Oh Sarah...I don't know what to say. I am really sorry. You wanted answers but - this just effing sucks. Thinking of you and sending big hugs.

Malloryn said...

I'm very sorry Sarah, this must be so hard.