Waddling

I'm feeling quite miserable today - physically, that is. I've started with the IVF walking. Which is not so much as a waddle but more of an extreme slow motion walk. Because my back is hurting, and my ovaries are hurting, and moving those hips which are after all near to my ovaries causes them to hurt more. OK, it may in fact be a waddle. I mean, it's not a bad hurt, just uncomfortable. And then there's the general exhaustion and ickiness. I feel icky. That kind of icky that comes from being out too late partying. Or too much estrogen. And my belly is bloating up already, although that could be from too much pasta. And then there's the swelling downthere that nobody ever talks about, but it's started.

So there you have it.

I have no effing clue what's going on in my nether regions because I still haven't had an ultrasound and don't know what my estrogen level is. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for continuing to resist asking for an actual number. Lovely nurse Vickie* called me with my instructions and I just meekly accepted what I was told. I rock.

However, the instructions did leave me a tad alarmed. I went for bloodwork yesterday after 4 days of stim meds. At 600 units a day. Which may be enough to fry my ovaries for good. Or enough to nudge a menopausal hippo's ovaries into action. Whatever visual gets you going, that's what I think of the dosages. Now, I do hear from everybody and his uncle that EPP is a slooooow protocol, especially to begin with, so I expected not to have too much action to start with. So while I was surprised that yesterday's appointment did not include an ultrasound I was mostly fine with it. But then they told me to stay on the same units for another 2 nights of stims, and go in for my first ultrasound on Thursday. After 6 days of stims, people! At a higher dosage than I've ever done before. That just seems a tad risky not to know what is happening for that length of time. Especially as I'm not usually this uncomfortable this early, and on previous cycles I did 6, 7, 8 and 9 days of stims before trigger. I hope that it is LOTS of smaller follicles causing the discomfort, though, and not one or two monster dominant follicles. Well, we'll all know tomorrow.

I tell myself that Big Clinic knows what they are doing, and don't get me wrong, most of the time I am WAY WAY less stressed than on previous cycles. I'm pretty freakin' zen, really. And I'm actually kind of happy not knowing what's happening, because so many times I have been imagining good things and then have been brought crashing down to earth with a low estrogen level or a bad ultrasound. So I'm going with the flow and trusting Big Clinic. Most of the time. It doesn't stop me having an eensy weensy little freak out now and again though.

But the good news is that I'm starting Ganirelix today, so that will hold off premature ovulation. I always thought they started it when the follicles reached a certain size, but I have read studies where it is started on a particular cycle day, so that's all good.

And the even better news is that I have flowers in my room courtesy of the divine Miss Calliope, and it's feeling a bit more homey now. Thank you Cali! Mwha!

*I know lots of people have problems with nurses at Big Clinic, but so far I am doing good with my head IVF nurse. Maybe it is because we are fellow countrywomen, and she is being nice for the sistahood. Or something. Or maybe because I am syrupy sweet to her on the phone because I know she controls everything.