Sunday, July 29, 2007

Deflated

Deflated

Well, I just got the call. Trigger is tonight. At 1.10am to be precise. And then I have to be at Big Clinic at 6.30am for something or other. Nice. And then egg retrieval will be on Tuesday.

I feel so deflated. Why?  Why did this happen?  How on earth do my follicles grow so quickly?  Did the RE today measure them correctly?  What is going on?  Was I on too high of a dose? 

And why can't people shut the fuck up in their hotel rooms?  I am surrounded by noise today after quietness during the week.  Just when I'd like to stare at the wall and not think about anything. 

Anyway, what will be will be, but it doesn't stop me from crying. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I try so hard to be healthy. I try so hard to do everything I'm supposed to do. And it doesn't work the way it is supposed to.  And I don't know why. 

OK, sorry, I'm whining.  It could be worse, I know. I will square my shoulders and see what happens. It really does only take one good egg after all, eh?  So I hope this is it. It better be, because you guys might have to put up with a whole lot more whining if it doesn't work. Again.

4 comments:

linda said...

Each cycle really is different and there is just no telling why you stimmed so fast this time. I tried being the "good girl", too, eating right, doing everything perfectly, and it got me nowhere.

Don't beat yourself up thinking it's something you did or didn't do. Be gentle with yourself today and tomorrow. You're almost done.

I've got everything crossed for you. After 5 IVFs you damned well deserve a BFP sistah!

June Bug Momma said...

((((((((((big hugs Sarah))))))))) You sound like me, VERY HARD ON YOURSELF. Unfortunately,there are many things in life we have no control over, esp. when it happens over and over again. ugh..boy do I know it. Frustrating. BUT..I do think you have a very good chance that this cycle will be a success. I know it is hard, but please try to think positive thoughts. I will be thinking about you on Tuesday and crossing my fingers for you!

I really hope things quiet down there in the hotel!! Argh!!

Anonymous said...

Sarah, hang in there. It is so hard not to get disappointed in this process. It's completely understandable. There's still hope though! So, try to remember that. I am hoping for 5 or more mature eggs, all of them fertilize and that you get some good quality embryos out of this. I am hoping and praying for you! (((hugs)))

-Cindy

Deb2You2 said...

Oh Sarah, I'm sorry. It just sucks. I have no answers, just sympathy. Yeah, yeah, it only takes one and it can still work, but that is not the point. The point was to increase the odds by having more follicles/eggs to work with. For all the planning, and money, and hope you had in this cycle.. I understand the tears and disappointment. I'll be hoping and praying that the protocol results in excellent egg quality and the co-culture makes the differnce.