Stress monkey

I'm stressed.

Really stressed.

Ridiculously stressed.

And I know I shouldn't be. I know I should be calm and serene going into an IVF cycle because otherwise my chance of success might be lower. And that's stressing me out more.

Sigh.

Work is not going terribly well at the moment. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say I was seriously considering dusting off my resume yesterday. But to change jobs at the moment means changing continents due to my work visa situation so it requires some pretty major consideration. Not to mention the little matter of the IVF and potential baby. And the whole "I tried to move to the states and failed" connotations in going back.

And because work isn't going well, going away for the cycle is stressing me out more than usual. Even though I'm going to be working while I'm gone, the mere fact of being away from the office, trying to tell people that I'm leaving on an undetermined day and returning on an undetermined day, is all stressing me out.

It's all I could do yesterday to repeat to myself that it'll all turn out OK in the long run. And to breathe deeply every now and then. I didn't accomplish much actual stress reduction per se, but maybe did some damage control. I hope. I buried myself in a book in the evening, hoping for some serious escapism, which I mostly accomplished, so I at least had a few hours of not ruminating on my fate.

Maybe today will be a better day. I hope so. I need all my ducks in a row going into this potentially final cycle.

In pharmaceutical news, I am 2 estrogen patches down, with 2 to go, and 2 ganirelix shots down, 1 to go. Then the big wait for the red tide. It's all going fairly well, except the current estrogen patch is sticking to my knickers so going to the bathroom has to be done gently so I don't rip it off. The ganirelix has been burning a bit, and leaving red patches, but I've been taking care of that with my new miracle friend, Traumeel gel. It's a homeopathic remedy for bruises and the like and so far so good. No bruises!