Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ugly donor thoughts

I got the positive ovulation test yesterday, and have called Big New Clinic to let them know I'll be starting estrogen patches on the 14th. And I finally got through to someone who knew about the necessary forms to enable me to get some vials of sperm shipped to them, so that's done. We're getting there! I can't quite believe sometimes that this is really going to happen. I'm really travelling out-of-state in a last(?) desperate attempt to get knocked up.

But anyhoo, I called the bank to double check on availability while waiting for the clinic to fax the form over, and my donor still has 15 vials left. The last time I called, a month or so ago, he had 18 vials left. So, he's a bit of a slow seller I guess. My previous two donors both sold out very quickly, which is one reason why I then switched, although at the time I was concerned that I wasn't getting pregnant due to something to do with the sperm, so I was thinking about that too. Of course, since then, Dr. M. point blank told me that the sperm was NOT what my issue was! Gee thanks. So I have now stuck with the same guy through all of my IVFs. Which is over a year.

Clearly a slow seller.

So I started to worry. I mean, the other guys sold out in 3 months or so, and he's still around? Wouldn't you worry? I dug up the baby photo, and have done some staring at it this morning. I mean, is he ugly? If you have a choice to create a "designer baby" as the tabloids like to call anything to do with donor gametes or PGD, wouldn't you want to aim for the baby look to like baby Bran.gelina? Not that any of my kids ever would, of course, seeing as they will (hopefully) have half of their genetic code from my family. But hey, we aren't a bad looking family. Not models, maybe, but not terrible, so I'm not expecting hideousness in any offspring of mine. Although I know genetics is a fickle fiend and you just never know. And if I throw an ugly donor in the mix, hideousness is probably more likely. Maybe it isn't ugliness but other people are seeing something I'm not? Or is it just his hair color (listed as red-brown or in other words auburn) that is putting people off? I don't see anything in his history that would be a red flag, and he's "proven" with prior pregnancies too. Maybe it's just because he's been listed as "limited availability" for a while?

It's so hard to tell ugliness when all you've got is a baby photo, though. It's not ugly to me, but I guess I can see that he wasn't necessarily the cutest baby ever in the history of the world. And trust me, I have ruled out several donors because I thought they were ugly babies so I'm not completely blind. But the ugly donor thoughts have started to rear their ugly heads. Why isn't my guy flying off the shelves? Are my kids going to be left on the proverbial shelf too?

I can see these thoughts growing out of proportion if this does actually work and I end up pregnant. I'll probably end up dreaming that I'm going to give birth to Quazimodo or something. Let's hope not. Ugly donor thoughts, please go away.


calliope said...

regardless- you are WAY too foxy and stunning to have a fugly kid.


(& YAY for the forward movement on everything!!)

Carey said...

I wouldn't worry about your donor slow selling status. Most likely it's because of his 'limited availability' - that likely scares people off thinking he's only got a couple of vials available. Or maybe it's the reddish hair thing :) People are fickle with red hair - either they love it or hate it.

More importantly... I'm so happy to see you making some progress on your upcoming cycle! How exciting!!! Good luck!!!