The infertility special ed. bus

I am in a strangely optimistic mood today. I suspect that it is because of the passing of whatever premenstrual and menstrual hormones have held sway for the last few days, and the introduction of new hormones. Estrogen! FSH! Welcome back, my lovelies! In fact, I am going to blame Saturday's crying fest on PMS, and not on me being a sad loser of a repeat IVF failure. Nuh uh. Not me.

Anyway, it has got me thinking about other people's sadness and depression in this crappy infertility nightmare. The very wonderful Calliope is posting more again, which perks me up no end. Of course, it may all be due to the little pink pills and bravado, but I hope that she is coming back to us for good. I feel so bad for her that she's been going through some much huge shit, with GM's illness on top of infertility. That is a rough road, my friend. Then I have two other internet buddies who are feeling very sad at the moment, one facing IVF #2 and one facing IVF #3.

I wish I could do more to cheer my friends up, although I know that no cheering is possible. Because when we get down, we have to travel through the abyss on our own, and somehow emerge at the other side. We may not be as hale and hearty as when we started our journeys, but I hope that eventually all of us will be well. We may not be aiming for a destination that we ever considered when we first set out, all happy and excited, but I hope that we can all find peace with our new paths. And dare I hope for happy? Happy would be wonderful, but seems so out of reach for so many of us at the moment. I wish I could wave a magic wand and have this infertility nightmare over for all of us. Why were we the ones that were chosen to be "special", to have to go through this heartache? Why weren't we the ones that got pregnant easily, and got to be smug fertiles? I just don't understand it all, I really don't. I don't understand why we get the tears, and they get to be short tempered with their children. I know I'll be a better mommy and a better person because of this journey, but can I stop the bus now, please? Can I get off and start getting on with my life again? Can we just pretend that I have learned whatever lesson it is that I needed to learn, and allow me to graduate? Can we all get off the bus, and be happy together with our babies? Pretty please?

Anyway, as I know that no cheering is possible, I want to give a shout out to anyone out there that is feeling down or depressed or hopeless or otherwise sad. You are not alone.