Perverse delights

Do you shop at CVS? Specifically, do you shop for razor blades at CVS? Are not the plastic security thingies that are supposed to prevent you from stealing the oh-so-valuable razors the most ridunkulous things you have ever come across? Or perhaps your CVS trusts you not to swipe the valuables so you know not of which I speak?

I used to get annoyed at these things. You have to press the button under the type of razor you want, wait for the little clockwork toy windy thing to push it upwards, and then you have to pull on the drawer thing to gain access. It takes for-evah. And what inevitably happens? The clockwork thing starts wheezing like a geriatric on speed, and the razor blade cartridge gets stuck. And hence does not dispense into the drawer. Oh, boy, did this used to annoy me. I'd huff and puff, and sometimes I'd stalk off in a huff, intending to buy my razors elsewhere. Except of course that elsewhere like at the supermarket they don't have the razors in logical places so I would invariably forget, and end up slinking back into CVS several weeks later all stubbly legged from trying to shave for far too long with the same blunt blade. And the second time around, when the razor draw thing didn't work, I'd slink over to the cashier and ask ever so nicely for help.

I assumed that CVS would quickly realize the error of its ways and replace these foul apparatuses. But no, they've had the damn things for years. And they still. don't. fucking. work. Evah.

Fucking fucktards with their fucking defective equipment.

So, these days, I have to admit that I take a perverse delight in fucking the things up. I go in, jab at the buttons, yank at the drawer a few times until several of them get well and truly jammed and stomp over to the cash register demanding help, all the while loudly muttering about the damn drawers being the worst damn piece of retail equipment I have ever come across. And if I can get the manager to help me, so much the better so that he can hear my tirade rather than wasting it on the mere assistants.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. But they deserved it, I promise.