Thursday, September 25, 2008

Worrying at a hangnail

Oh! Hey! Anonymous is back! It's my lucky day.

Yes, you could do monthly IUI cycles with your eggs (haven't you gone through hundreds of eggs already?), 'cause it's definitely not more than money and time to waste and if you have them both in excess, go for it.

Or you could actually put your money and time towards something with actual odds that are better than zero and go for a donor egg cycle.

Recipe: If you want to keep getting what you've always gotten, keep doing what you've always done.

I'm kind of like a hangnail to you, aren't I, Anonymous? You hate it, you wish it would go away, and yet you just can't help yourself picking at it. Or perhaps I'm a trainwreck that you just can't stop rubbernecking at.

Every time I mention doing a few home insems (not IUI's by the way - they are different and require a doctor - a home insem is an ICI, or more realistically knowing my dexterity, an IVI) or maybe not giving up on my own eggs, here you are, banging on at me to do a donor egg cycle. I wonder, what do you say to couples who have failed a few IVF cycles? Do you tell them never to have unprotected sex again because it's pointless? What do you say to women who do become pregnant naturally after IVFs? That they must be lying and that they could not possibly have conceived without DE?

Yes, I've gone through hundreds of eggs already. But, here's the thing about eggs - using up eggs doesn't affect the ones you have left. The ones you have left are affected by time and chromosomal damage, sure, but having one bad egg (or a hundred) does not guarantee that the next one will be bad. 

Do I have money and time to waste? Well, sure, I do, actually. If you bothered to read my blog, you'd realize that I am now going to college in order to change my career. This means that I can no longer take time off whenever I feel like it to go have a transfer or (more likely) travel to S. Africa or somewhere for a cycle. So it means that logistically, a DE cycle most probably isn't going to happen until after I have finished college. More than three years from now. As for the money aspect, a home insem with that bank that delivers to your house will run me about $350 a shot. Would I do one every month for the next three years? No, of course not, that would be a colossal waste of money. Am I planning another IVF with my own eggs? No, of course I'm not. I even agree with you that that is pretty damn pointless. But would I do 3 or 4 home insems just to give my old eggs another go to see if they can produce a pregnancy without all the stresses of meds and IVF cycles, while waiting for the timing to be right to do a DE cycle? Sure, I might just do that. Is it in fact doing what I've always done? No, it's not. I've never done home insems before.  So you never know, maybe doing that in a relaxed fashion might actually make a difference. 

So, yet again, dear Anonymous, thank you for your "concern" about my cognitive abilities. I don't think I'm insane. And your communication style of beating me over the head with your "facts" is never going to change my mind to your way of thinking.


bleu said...

"a home insem is an ICI, or more realistically knowing my dexterity, an IVI"

I cracked up at that.

Anon is such a twit and obviously will never get it.

If you ever want to discuss in depth home insems I am more than happy to hun.

Elowyn said...

What is it with trolls, anyway?

I wound up doing IVIs myself (should've known my cervix wasn't cooperative from the start.) If you want to give it a whirl, I'm in your corner!

Anonymous said...

Change your mind? C'mon, I know that's not possible. Now you're just talkin' crazy!

And you're probably right, what's another few thousand bucks down the toilet at this juncture.

As for having unprotected sex, you're just being intentionally dense here. Clearly that wouldn't be a waste of money or time - just fun and if you happened to hit the jackpot while you're at it, bravo!

As for the hangnail analogy, I don't know, maybe that's it. I think it's more in the curiosity sphere. I check back on you pretty infrequently but am never disappointed at the level of futile repetitiveness (I've grown fond of it, actually).

Actually, it is more like watching a train wreck - but better. It's the same train wreck every single month and you think, Why does that stupid ass conductor keeps using the same rails!

Well, good luck on the insemination next month - I can't wait to see those two lines on the EPT. Baby dust, baby dust (HAAA! I could barely type that, I was laughing so hard).

Dora said...

What a bitch! Oh, but Sarah, please leave these comments up for amusement. They don't reflect on you at all.

As for the home insems, go for it. If we were partnered, we'd time sex, so why not. For me, home insems issues are about distance and schedules, not cost. He's giving it to me for free. :-D

Selmada said...

Wow. Um. Wow.
You have to do what is right for you and from what I can read, you've thought this out.
Heck, if my next DE cycle doesn't come through for me next month (please let it work) I'm considering a few home insems while I figure out what else I can do and recover from the costs of the last 2 DE tries.
I was told chances with my eggs and ivf were very low and chances via home insems even lower, but it's not zero. And that means it's still possible.
It's your body, your life, your money and your choice. I'll be watching and hoping for your success.

Alex said...

LOL indeed. My vasectomized (and failed reversal) DH would tell me I should just run down to the local bar rather than spending all this money (including some spent on, yes, IVI attempts with frozen DS from "that" bank), but actually, unprotected sex in such a context as that? Not so much fun, at least, it didn't strike me that way -- I have to admit I never tried, so maybe I'm missing something great (urp -- yikes).

Sarah -- you're a dear, and kudos to you for letting Anon. come here and persist in making a fool of herself. Good grief.

Cindy said...

Wow! Why bother come over here if you can't post something supportive? AND, why can't you be brave enough to post your real name instead of remaining "anonymous" if you feel so strongly about what you are saying? You are a piece of work. Anyone who can come and repeatedly put someone down in such a passive aggressive manner really needs some serious psychiatric help. Please don't come back here.

Sarah, don't listen to her. She is obviously a very troubled and unhappy person who feels the need to put you down in order to make herself feel better. There is no reason for you not to do home insems. It's not like you are 50 or something. There is no way that this is a ridiculous idea. You still have a chance. You never know, it could be that a relaxed, unmedicated environment is what you need. If anything it surely will be less stressful. And you are right, there will be no costly or time-consuming travel involved. Good luck and don't listen to that person who doesn't have the guts enough to even state her name. ;)

Sam said...

Wow. The comment above from your dearest anonymous was a little too cuntish for my taste. Sorry for the profanity but saying the comment was rude just doesn't cut it at this point. I'm still in the "it is your body, your money, your life, and your decision" camp. Although the term "baby dust" gives me hives I hope that someday you get a baby, and whichever way you choose to do that is up to you.

Almamay said...

What a vile, self-righteous and hateful woman. What kind of person reads IF blogs wishing BFNs on people? A very sick person indeed! She also strikes me as someone who has problems with her choice of using DE. Why else would she be taunting you?

Sarah, it's time to turn the anonymous comments off for your blog. Please.

Melissa said...

Seriously, if you think about it....doesn't Sarah have the absolute and total right to continue to do home insems as long as she damn well pleases? She can do them until she is 80, well past menopause if she f***ing wants to. It's her money, her uterus, her emotional investment. It hurts no one, takes away from no one, causes pain or trauma to no one (other than those of us who love you via the internet and hope and pray with you each month!). So, why can't she continue as long she wants to? Why in the world does "anonymous" give a rats ass?

Sarah.....if you feel like you can keep going, then go for it, girl. In this life, we all have to put our energies, monies, emotions, and drives toward whatever it is that matters most to us. We all meet with obstacles, blockades, and overwhelming hurdles. Sometimes we can overcome them, and sometimes we have no fight left in us. No one else can tell us when we are supposed to stop fighting. That is your decision alone. If you want to keep trying...keep trying!

Anonymous can't even summon enough emotional strength to type her own on the keyboard, yet she feels qualified to tell you when you should stop trying to conceive? Come on.

Mermaid said...

Wow anonymous is just plain nasty. Ignore her (?) hatefulness. Good luck with all the home insems you feel like doing!

Tina said...

I hate when people don't have the balls to own their words.


calliope said...

I am so behind on blog reading that I totally missed that you had such a wanky comment situation going on. I think there is some weird troll going around blogs these days- Jade has been getting them too and they sound a LOT like your asshole disguised as tough love comments.

Sorry you had to deal with it, but lawd do I love your spunk and grace!

Jess said...

I am truly sickened by this jackass. Are we sure it's a woman? Maybe I just can't believe that a woman who was, for some reason, drawn to an IF blog would say such things. Ugh. Sarah, you go and do whatever you want to do. I totally believe in you.