Can we talk knickers?

I got new knickers yesterday. And no, I don't mean golfing trousers that come down to just below your knees.

But I'm not happy with them. You see, I wanted some boring beige-colored no see knickers that I can wear under trousers without any VPL. So, when the catalog appeared for that famous underwear company whose name may or may not begin with a V, advertising their semi-annual sale, I promptly sent off an order for what was advertised as no show panties. I got the microsmooths, thinking it would be the best option.

Now, OK, I'm wearing a skirt today so I can't attest to whether they are or aren't "no show" but dayum they're uncomfortable. The elastic digs in, the top rolls over underneath the ginormous belly, and they're uncomfortable on my inner thigh crease. I even checked the sizing chart before ordering, and I know I didn't order one that is too small. I guess I should have ordered the low rise version so that my belly could just flop all it wanted over the top of them, but still. I'm miffed.

So now I need help, internets. Clearly, ordering blind based on what a company says their knickers do isn't going to help. And it's not like you can test drive knickers before you buy them. So I'm looking for advice. What do you think are the best knickers? What should I be wearing? Most of my knickers are a combination of Ol.d Na/vy 3-packs, old Mar-ks & S-penc.er knickers from England that are falling apart and growing holes and that V place's cotton ones that have ridiculously big and tight elastic bands. My knicker selection needs an upgrade!