Wednesday, March 12, 2008

My little calendar

A friend at work gave me one of those little tear-off calendars for Christmas. You know the type, where there's a sheet for each day, and a little cartoon or pithy saying on each sheet. Well, the one she gave me was called "Zen" and here's today's saying:

"When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways - either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength."

- Dalai Lama

Now, whether infertility really qualifies as a "real tragedy" or not is I suppose debatable. At times it certainly feels like it. But today I am quite grateful for my little Zen calendar keeping me on track. And thankful for my internet friends who let me know I'm not alone and that it's OK to be blue. In fact, I think I would be weird if I was really hopeful and excited after so many failures, so I have to remember that too. It is normal to go into IVF cycle #7 with more dread than anticipation.

In news of that other calendar, I took my last BCP yesterday (only 13 days!) and dropped my lupron dose down to 5 units this morning. So I hope that will help me feel more rosy in my outlook.


Almamay said...

I prefer to think of my attitude as realistic, not negative. I wouldn't be still trying if I was truly negative but I hear what you are saying.

Been thinking a lot about your last post as well. I've banned myself from making TX decisions when I'm on the drugs. It helps me. Of course I start to question my decisions as soon as I start taking the drugs but I try and remember that I took the decision to cycle when I wasn't a drugs psycho. I don't know about you but I suffer badly from being a drugs psycho.

calliope said...

hurrah for the last bcp & the dropping of the lupron!

as for the zen- I think it is easy to use a tragedy to find inner strength just as long as the tragedy doesn't happen every effing month or is, you know, prolonged for 3 effing years.


Anonymous said...

What she said!!

Glad you are feeling a bit better today.