Twelves on Tuesday

After my struggles with positive thinking, I ordered a new agey DVD last week and it arrived last night. You may have heard of it. It has "secret" in the title and not much else apart from a definite article. It's on the best seller lists. It was pretty darn good, I have to say. All about the law of attraction, and how we attract what we think of. But we have to be careful what we think of, because if we're thinking "I don't want more debt" all that comes through is the word "debt" so that's precisely what we get more of. We should instead think "I want more money" so we'll get it. But it's not good enough just to think it, we have to feel it too. We have to try to get excited about all this lovely money (or whatever it is) coming into our lives.

I think I will be watching it several times over, so I can try to visualize my babies coming to me, and that'll be my positive thinking stuff for this cycle. I've tried so many different meditation CDs and they don't really work for me. I mean, I actually don't think my body is broken, and all these infertility CDs seem to be all about trying to make my think my body is not broken. Uh, OK, already there. I think my body is working pretty well - I mean, feed it junk food, not enough protein and too much alcohol and it'll get fat and infertile. So, it's responding appropriately, right?

So, there we are, the plan for this cycle:

1. Move to top clinic. Check.
2. Eat lots more protein. Check.
3. Lose weight. Working on it, so half a check.
4. Really feel the positivity. Trying.

As for yesterday's Blue Monday, well, after I posted, I realized that this is prime PMS time, so I think that explains the funk. And the fact that the diet is not making my weight budge at the moment, despite me being good, so it must be water retention. Although, I am happy to report that today I am back in a pair of size 12 pants (or size 16 trousers to any UK readers out there). Whoop! This is the first time in months that I have been able to wear size 12's. OK, they are a roomy size 12, but hey. So I took most of the 16's out of the closet this morning, and put them in the "donate" pile, that I hope to get rid of this weekend. No going back! I only want to keep one size up from where I am, so that WHEN I get pregnant I have slightly larger stuff for the first trimester.