Monday, February 12, 2007

Blue Monday

I got me some grandpa time at the weekend, before he heads back to dear old blighty, and also saw my cousin, before he heads off for 2 months in India. Must be nice, eh? Here am I, spending all my cash and then some on fertility treatments, stressing about money, not being able to take vacation because my next IVF cycle IS my vacation. And there's my cousin, perpetual student, spending a year travelling here and there before he does his masters degree. It took him 12 years to get his bachelor's degree, by the way, so we'll have to see how long the master's degree takes, once he finally gets started. I guess he's a true Gen X'er, and I'm just a fraud that got sucked into the corporate "career" bullshit. Man, I'd love to be flying to India for some adventure.

I'm tired of working a shitty job that I hate, just to keep earning good money and to stay in the country. I'm tired of fertility treatments that put my life on hold. And I'm just plain tired. I seem to be so busy lately, that I'm not getting much time to rest. And the anxiety dreams about babies (or more precisely, the lack thereof) have started up again, so it's disturbing my sleep.

Anyway, enough of my whining. Maybe I'm just in a rainy Monday morning slump. Happy Monday, y'all.


Carey said...

I hear ya... I'd LOVE a vacation. We started talking about one last night... We are going to my sister's wedding this summer in Jackson Hole WY, but that doesn't count in my book as a vacation. I hate that all of our $$ goes to IF crap.

Care said...

Yep, Happy Monday indeed. What are vacations? We just do the grand tour of medical facilities in lieu of vacation these days. Thrills a-plenty.

Aimee said...

*hugs* I feel for you. I have been slaving away at work and than my vacation was spent taking time off for my IVF while my family went to the Outerbanks without me. I could really use a 2 week trip to the Bahamas. I know you must feel at a stand still with a job you hate and feeling like your life is on hold due to TTC. I sure hope things do a 360 for you and your hopes & dreams come true for you. Wishing you the best & happiness Sarah.