That thing

What? What do you mean there's a big elephant in the room? I don't quite understand what you're getting at.

Oh, wait, you mean that elephant? That giant one where I promised to post about my decision on future motherhood, and then went completely silent and changed the subject? Ah. Yes. That one.

We'll, I'll spill.

I've had time to sit with my decision. To roll it around, play with the idea, think about pros and cons. Think about whether it is really what I want, and whether I'm excited about it. And yes, I am excited. So now I'm ready to reveal all.

...drumroll...

I have decided to adopt from the state.

I do not necessarily want to do foster-adopt, although that is the program I guess I will have to go through. My biggest issue is to be allowed to have a newborn whose parental rights are either already or about to be terminated. Or a safe haven newborn. I don't want to have to deal with heart-wrenching custody hearings and family members trying to get the child back. I don't even know if I can register the criteria that I want, but I am going to find out. If there's no way to do it, then I will rethink, but given that I don't mind waiting, I would rather wait for an infant where I can know that that child will be mine from day one than remain in painful limbo.

My state has a four-step process to be able to do foster-adopt - you have to attend an orientation first, then do a 10-week parenting course, then have the home study, and then you are approved and finally go on the list. I've figured out the orientation I want to attend, and tried calling this morning to book myself a slot, but getting through the crazy phone system was proving difficult so I think I will wait until I am at home tomorrow before spending a bit more energy on it.

I am concerned about the course, as it's usually arranged on Saturdays or on weeknights, and most of mine will be taken up with acu school. So maybe I'll have to drive a long way to find one I can attend, or maybe I'll just have to only go on Saturdays when school is out. Or something. But I can find a way to do it somehow.

And of course I'm concerned that the time I am spending in school/work/commuting will be a detriment. But I think if I can show that I can cut my hours down even further, work from home, and arrange care easily (for example, I am sure my aunt would be able to do all day on Saturdays for me) then I hope it will not be a big issue that I'm going to school. And if it is, well, I'll just have to wait until I've finished school. But I'll never know unless I start going down the road to find out, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get moving on it.