I've moved on from yo-yo head to just plain inconsolable. I am so miserable. Of course I am in a buddy group on "that" charting site and everyone is getting positives. Everyone. And it was supposed to be safe because it is an IVF veterans group. I just get that sinking feeling that I'm going to be the one left behind again, and I don't want to be there again. I don't want to be the one that gets the "I'm sorry" responses and not the "congratulations" responses. I'm so tired of being that person. I'm just so so scared that this didn't work. It seems so much more damning this time because if it didn't work with my only "perfect" embryo, I don't know what will help it next time. If there is a next time. And it seems so much harder to make the decision to do another cycle. I seem so stuck in my decision making.
Anyway, I have decided I just have to know. One way or another. So I think I'll test tomorrow. It'll be 13DPO, and while there is a chance that it may be too early, I just have to know. I was trying to hold out for longer, but I don't think I can any more. I can't stand living my life just wondering if it failed or not. I need to be able to think positively (and I do try - I can still get myself into a semi-meditative state and be all positive for a short while). But it's just so hard.
So, there you are. Tomorrow I will have an inkling of what the next few months hold.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Miserable Monday
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4 comments:
Lots of luck Sarah. This whole process is so awful. I hate the IVF 2ww more than anything else I've ever known. I hope you get a good answer tomorrow.
Hang in there hun, sometimes there are absolutely no symptoms at all. I had no signs of my pregnancy in the first 6 weeks. It will happen when you least expect it.
Thinking of you, and knowing how difficult and heartwrenching this all is.
Prayers for you and your embryo.
keeping everything crossed
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