Friday, May 29, 2009

Crazy thoughts

Oh, the flights of fancy one's mind conjures up while in the shower.

I've been trying out some new Chinese herbs lately. And dang, they've made me feel perky and healthy, and full of vim and vigor. And you know where this is going, right? I keep thinking that I bet my ovaries are also perky and full of life. And therefore, full of good eggs. Or, at least one good egg.

And so this morning I was mulling over how next month it'll be a year since my last IVF, and how I was supposed to be getting a boyfriend, but have failed at that so far (although I haven't given up hope). And that it'd be really nice to be trying to conceive the old fashioned way before my eggs get far too ancient even for me to kid myself that there's any life left in them. So then I mulled over getting someone to donate, but it's so hard to ask people that. So then I thought about going to an RE and asking if they'd do some IUI's for me - after all, it wouldn't go on their stats like an IVF would. But I thought, nah, that'd never work. So, yes, my mind went.....there. What, I thought, what if I went back to Big NY Clinic and did another IVF? I bet they'd still treat me - they treat women up to the age of 45. I have a 2.5 week break in August. I could travel to NY, shoot myself up with some drugs, and bingo! The new healthy me would produce some awesome eggs and I'd get knocked up before I hit my next birthday.

But don't worry, Anonymous, I said it myself: What, are you CRAZY????

It's not going to happen. I don't have the money. It's a ridonkulous idea.

But I really must try harder on that "finding a boyfriend" thing...clearly my mind is never going to rest until something happens.

8 comments:

Billy said...

~hugs~

calliope said...

don't smack me....but never say never.

xo

Melissa said...

you banned anonymous from commenting, remember?????? why are you still listening to her? DO IT!! The eternal optimist in me says that of course it is worth it. Honestly, sweetie, at this point, what have you got to lose?Money? You already did that, what's a bit more? Sadness? Well, you have already blown us all away by your ability to cope with severe and crazy shit on this journey and we all know you can handle it. Stress and hormones and the actual process of doing another IVF? Um, yeah....you can handle that. So....go for it!

I know, I know....easier said that done, but I just want it so badly for you!

Deena said...

I don't think I have commented on your blog, but I just want to say I have been reading for a while now and I always enjoy what you have to say.
If you do decide to try again, you have many supporters out here in blog land.

Anonymous said...

Sarah, you mention me so often and will never believe that there is more than one "unpleasant" anonymous commenting, though there definitely is, as I am not the only one - though I am the first, the one you call "anonymous".

Anyway, I am actually just commenting to encourage you. Do it - if you really feel that the new herbs and renewed vigor and acupuncture have improved your ovaries, give it a try. Money will never bring the happiness that a child, a partner and love will bring.

Good luck. (No sarcasm, truly - you've educated me. Everyone has to "get there" on their own)

reader said...

Sarah,

I've also enjoyed reading your blog for a while, but never left a comment. Personally, I've always thought you should try one last cycle at CCRM. Yeah, maybe they might not take you, but why not give it a try? At any rate, good luck and I wish you well with whatever you decide to do.

Anonymous said...

I agree on CCRM wholeheartedly. If you are going to give one last cycle a shot, there are simply no better odds than CCRM and Dr. Schoolcraft. Anything less is a waste of money and time. Good luck!

Jen
(I failed 7 cycles at 2 good clinics before, at the age of 41, going to CCRM and doing CGH testing and I have a baby boy now!)

uptoeleven said...

Pls forgive me using comments box as can't find an email - I have quality
information on acupuncture and infertility at
http://www.acupunctureandinfertilityguide.com
perhaps we could blogroll link exchange? Wish you all the best in any case :) info@acupunctureandinfertilityguide.com