Life, death, and reflection

I'm still here! BUT I will say that this semester is harder and more crushingly exhausting than the last. Which was harder and more crushingly exhausting than the previous semester. And so on, and so forth. So I am only just emerging from the pit of despair and exhaustion that I created for myself with this change in schedule.

Anyway, so much for fate. I haven't had any infertility patients since I last posted. Weird. But that's OK. I'm building up my confidence, reviewing my acu point locations and needling skills, and generally mostly enjoying it all. When it all comes together, I will know my way forward and what I am supposed to work on. Or maybe I'm not supposed to specialize. There is, after all, something profound about helping someone who is in pain. Whether that is physical pain or emotional pain. It's all very amazing to see someone get off that treatment table looking relaxed and saying that they feel better.

We are doing a lot of "western" medical stuff this term at school. And we've done some recent work in different classes on cancer and also on respiratory diseases (among many others). Now, for me this has been hard, and yet eye-opening. My mother died from lung cancer at a very young age, and yet she was not a smoker. One of the pieces of anger that I'd carried around for many years is that she was initially misdiagnosed. I mean, when a 37 year-old female non-smoker walks in with a chronic cough, I don't suppose your thoughts would immediately go to a not-terribly-common-but-aggressive form of lung cancer, would they? No, indeed. And her doctor's thoughts didn't go there either. She was sent away twice with a diagnosis of bronchitis before they realized what was going on, as she was going downhill so rapidly. I knew this, and while for many years I have known that I shouldn't have expected anything else, and that this really wasn't malpractice or anything but just the expected course of events, there was still this anger that perhaps she'd have got better if it had been picked up earlier.

Now I know differently. Now, learning this stuff on cancer, and her cancer in particular, I know for certain that she would be dead by now whatever happened. At most, she'd have got a few more months. Maybe a year or two if a miracle had occurred. The 5-year survival rate is abysmally low for that cancer, even with the best treatments. Even now, 30 years after this all happened, it is very hard to treat. This was a nasty, nasty cancer. They could not have prevented her dying.

So.

That's that. It's kind of horrible to learn, and yet that little bit of anger is evaporating. She was destined to go. We couldn't have done more, and perhaps it was better to go so quickly and not draw things out.

'S funny. I never thought that going to acu school would do these things for me. And yet, it is changing me. Day in, day out, there are changes going on inside of me. And that is something to be grateful for.

Just two things (OK, four actually)

I admit, I was getting stressed at the weekend about this lifestyle of mine. We had a test at school on Saturday and I didn't do as well as I would have liked, because I hadn't devoted enough time to studying. And at the same time, my house was basically descending into squalor because I hadn't cleaned or tidied up in forever. I was beginning to have mild panic attacks at the thought of somehow squeezing out more time in which to get things done, while at the same time knowing that it's still busy at work and that I couldn't possibly manage it all.

But, I sat down, and really gave things a good think through. First of all, getting up in the morning. I'd been setting my alarm for 6, intending to get up and tackle things, but was not actually getting up. So all I was doing was cutting my sleep short unnecessarily and giving the snooze button a workout. I have reset it for 6.30 to give myself an extra half hour of sleep.

Then on the house squalor front, I decided I'd just have to keep it tidy and clean as I go along. There's no time any more to spend a couple of hours at the weekend making it look presentable. So I came up with a plan to just do two things every morning and evening. I can do two things. Just two things. And that's what I've been doing. And what a difference already! After only a few days I feel so much happier coming home and feel that I can breathe a bit easier. The first night I put the junk mail on the dining table into piles, threw away the pile that was actually junk and can finally see some wood. And I unloaded/loaded the dishwasher. That has moved on through a couple of dishwasher loads (yes, there were huge piles of dirty dishes in my kitchen - ugh) and laundry through to sweeping the floor, cleaning the kitchen countertops, dusting, starting to clean up my dresser in the bedroom. Ahhhh! Breathing room! It's actually quite amazing what two cleaning jobs every morning and evening can accomplish.

And finally, as far as studying goes, I decided that I just have to get into the habit of studying 6 days a week. I'd got into the habit of just doing whatever homework was set, and studying only when there was a test, trying to have a night off from studying whenever possible. But I need to step my general reading up so that I can stay up on the theory. So last night, even though I didn't need to, I picked up a book and spent 40 minutes or so reading up on qi.

I am definitely feeling happier about this new plan. I think I can, I think I can...

Lordy, time is flying

Life is going by in a blur. I am running at full speed all the time, and wow. I am not sure where the days go.

School is getting very interesting. The teachers are loosening up with us as they get to know us. The class is loosening up with each other - in fact we got told off today for being noisy. I was secretly glad we got told off, as I don't like loud chatter, but hey. I am at least glad that MOST of the class are really nice and friendly. And then the studying is also getting interesting, with lots of hints this week about energy medicine. And by energy I mean "Qi" - what is qi you ask? Well, I don't have a good translation - life force, or energy is the best. As one of the profs says, if your liver is in your body working away it is full of qi. If you cut it out and put it on the table, it is a piece of meat. It is dead because it has no qi. OK, OK, you might get all "it's dead meat because there's no blood circulation" with me but the theory goes that qi and blood zoom around together.

OK, so on to energy. We are doing qigong and taiji exercises to get our energy flowing. Professor after professor tells us that we should be doing qigong every day if we want to be good acupuncturists. One of the profs on Tuesday was talking about the energy of her patients, and how she can tell a lot when someone walks in the room. Some of it makes sense, as we've all had the "cut the tension with a knife" moments, or been able to tell that someone is angry just because of the vibes they are giving off. But these people go way further. And that makes me feel sometimes like I'm sitting in an x-ray machine!

Then another prof. did a healing on a student (not from our class) on Wednesday and invited one of my class in to watch. It was me! I am not sure why he asked me, but he didn't use needles, he used his fingers. And not acupressure either. I got the impression that he was sending qi down his fingers into the student. Did he ask me to show me the energy work, or did he just pick on me because I was the smart arse answering questions that day? Was I supposed to see this energy work and start paying more attention to this stuff? I tried to send out a healing vibe while I was in the room, but I doubt if I was much of a help.

And then today, we had this patient come in to class, and she had been in last week as well. I just feel so badly like I want her to be healed, because she is in constant pain. She had tears in her eyes today telling us about stuff. And as I listened and empathized I felt like I had all this energy going through me and my hands were getting hot, like we're told should happen in qigong. Ooh, I thought, maybe I am full of qi, maybe I've opened a couple of energy meridians or something! So I tried to send the healing energy her way. When we were watching her getting her acu treatment, one of the students from a higher class was there, making up some class time with us, and I noticed she was sitting weirdly and pointing her palm at the patient - aha! Sending qi! So I tried to do similarly. But this student got a treatment too, and she was all "I react SO strongly to the treatment" and saying how she feels the qi flowing. And someone asked a question about energy flow so she said to the teacher "ahh, she's one of us." One of us? One of us? One of us what? Aren't we ALL supposed to learn about this stuff, or is she saying that only certain people are gifted with heightened awareness of energy? It put me slightly on edge. Although intrigued.

It's like one thing after another is suddenly saying "pay attention to this qi stuff."

But sadly as we were walking out the arrogant jackass dude was all "that patient today was a hypochondriac. She could describe pain so minutely, in so much detail. Who does that? She's imagining it.Or maybe she has a mental problem." And I felt so annoyed with him. The poor woman has been in constant pain for 2 years and has been to doctor after doctor. She has probably had to describe the pain six ways from Sunday. Multiple times a day. No wonder she is precise when she says things, and not just "my legs kinda hurt."

And I certainly felt the angry energy well up as he was speaking! Grrrr. Again, I'm just going to try to be polite and say that I hope his thinking evolves. But really, what's the effing point of doing this if you think fat people are all fat because they don't exercise, and people in chronic pain are making it up? Really? Where's the effing empathy?

The workers and the others

So, the funny (one of the many funny) things about going back to school is getting used to other peoples way of thinking. Case in point: study groups. Now, personally, I can't stand study groups. This is a very selfish thing of mine, but I've never got much out of them, seem to spend more time helping other people and just...bleh. But there are some students in my class who are very VERY keen about setting up a study group. And cool, if people really want to do it, I'll do it. Except they're trying to find a time that works for everyone, and I just don't get why they don't get that we'll never do that. We range from people who completely gave up working to come study to those that are working full time, and everyone in between. We all have different schedules. We all learn in different ways. We all have different study needs. So to my thinking, 3 or 4 different study groups are going to be necessary to fit everyone in, and hey, if you're not working and want to go to them all, have at it. Besides, I am already carpooling on Saturdays for an hour each way, and we have so far used the morning drive to review stuff, so those of us that live a long way north of the school already have a kind of study group going.

But I'm so not wanting to give up more of my free time. I mean, sure, I'm "off" on Thursday mornings. But that's time in which I have to run every possible errand that can't be run on Sunday, like going to the doctor's, getting the car oil changed, going to the pool store for chlorine, going to the dentist, taking the cat to the vet, getting an acupuncture session. You name it, I have to squeeze it in on Thursday morning. Oh, hey, AND study too - and what I need to study may not be what my classmates need to study. And, you know, maybe I need to do some laundry and keep the house from falling into complete squalor at some point. And did I mention the hour-long drive to get to the school?

WHY don't they get that I have an effing JOB, people? That, coincidentally, is going all kinds of bat shit CRAZY right now (a long post for another day when everything has blown over). That I can't just waltz along to the school early so I can sit in the library with them for TWO HOURS that they want to devote to a study group? Oy. And vey.

The scrubs I am a-hating

The school uniform scrubs arrived yesterday. I have been doing really well with the weight loss and so when I tried them on when I got home I was reassured that there will be no risk of seam splittage across my chunky thighs. Although I will say that I am glad that the Tai Ji/Qi Gong class (sorry, can't write Tai Chi any more now I've had my first Chinese language class and know how you pronounce the words - Chi is pronounced chrrr so we have to be correct) doesn't start for 5 weeks and instead we have to sit at desks learning history until then, as it gives me chance to lose a bit more to allow for more leg movement without risk of seam splittage.

However. They are SO freakin' depressing. I do NOT look like Meredith Grey, let's just get that out of the way. They are unisex scrubs, and I'm pear shaped. So to order a set that is big enough to get over my butt and my stomach, it is totally and utterly swamping the top half of my body. I mean, seriously, I could fit two of me in there - well, if they were cut off tops that ended at my ribcage, that is. And the pants are too long, and have this horrible loose bagginess around the crotch. I hope they will look better after washing, but ugh.

I will get some of that iron-on sticky tape so I can hem them easily tonight. I have NO idea what to do about the top though. Maybe I just have to lose tons of weight so I can order (and fit into) some small size ones, and then I won't look so much like a boxy green whale. I think even the mediums would be bad. If only we could order them ourselves, instead of having to stick with the standard school ones, because then I could order the ones that are tailored more for women.

I tell ya, this is all Stacey and Clinton's fault. If I hadn't got myself all into wearing tops that flatter my shape a bit more, I wouldn't have known there was anything other than boxy and huge and unflattering.

ETA: It's not that I should have a smaller sized scrub top, it's that the size that fits my stomach is totally the wrong shape for my chest/shoulders. And there doesn't seem to be a way to order a different style, as everybody has the same. I think perhaps a tailor and some inconspicuous darts might be the way to go. After I've lost a bit more weight, that is. Perhaps that'll be a job for the break after the first semester.

1 done, 539 to go

Pre-acupuncture class, the school was a bit annoying, I've got to say. I turned up early to get my books and parking pass, and the admissions lady wasn't around. The finance lady seemed annoyed to have to tell me that the admissions lady was in the clinic. Umm, but where was the clinic? So I ambled around aimlessly, and actually found the admissions lady in the library when I walked in to ask someone where the clinic was. So I got my parking pass, and she said she'd meet me in the clinic after I moved my car. And her response to my question of where the clinic was was a vague wave and an "it's just through there" statement. But "there" seemed to involve a classroom where students were sitting. Anyhoo, I moved the car, came back around to the front door, and noticed next to the front door a brightly colored, well lit clinic, with its own separate entrance. How could I have missed it the first time? But it does appear that the door from the clinic to the rest of the school goes through a classroom, which seems a tad inconvenient. I bought the rest of the books I needed, and then went and schmoozed with the finance lady while handing over a sum of cash (OK, I actually handed over my credit card, but whatever).

On to my class - 12 people turned up. I'd been told it was a class of 15, and one of my classmates who I spoke to during the break had been told it was a class of 8. So I guess 12 must be right! Everybody seems pretty friendly, and it's a super interesting mix of people. There are 3 honest-to-goodness, actually born here, Americans, 3 Colombians, 1 Ecuadorian, 1 Argentinian, 1 Haitian, 1 Bulgarian, 1 Burmese and 1 Brit (moi). And I have to say it, it tickled me that the only white American is a chick with dreadlocks - sometimes I hate South Florida, and sometimes I just love the fascinating mix of people you get down here - last night was definitely a "love" night. Two were physicians in their home country, and still work in some type of healthcare job. 1 is a trainer/yoga teacher and is too stick thin if you ask me. Most of us haven't done anything in the healthcare field. 3 are young (in their 20's), 2 or 3 are in their 30's, I'd guess, and everyone else is probably in their 40's. 1 is a fashion-plate model type. There are 8 women and 4 men. Some have never had an acupuncture treatment, but most have had it done and thought "wow." Some want to help others, some are looking for that next business opportunity.

All in all, I'm pretty excited about what's to come!

Ready or not, here I come

The house is mostly tidy (there's a little bit left to do tonight), the kitchen and bathroom are clean (I even took apart the stove top and scrubbed), the bedroom is de-dust-bunnied, the laundry is done, and all in all, I would not be embarrassed if any of you walked in unannounced. Assuming, that is, that the Queen does not read this blog, which I'm pretty sure she doesn't, but if SHE walked in the house unannounced I would have a fit. Normal people, though? It's clean enough for you.

The pens are bought, the notebooks are ready. All the textbooks I can find for cheap on the internet have either arrived or should arrive today. I will get the rest of the books at the school bookshop. My school bag is packed.

I have a plan to get the car checked out before the first big school drive, and everything is set. School starts tomorrow, people!

Oh, well, perhaps I should mention that everything is ready to go APART from the raging butterflies in my stomach. I am scared that I have picked the wrong second career. I hope that this is ME, but I don't know it for certain yet. I am scared of just the sheer number of hours a week I will have to devote to studying and working - what if I crack under the pressure? I am scared of the time I will spend driving to and fro each day - basically it involves 8 hours a week on an interstate which is a scary scary road at times. Not to mention that 3 days a week I will be finishing school at 10pm - will the road be full of drunks? Will I fall asleep at the wheel? Will my car last or fall apart? I am scared that my fat ass will burst through my scrub pants because I was too vain to try on the XL size. I am nervous about meeting new people, hoping that my classmates are nice - I am with the same class all through the 3 years of school, so if one of them is annoying, it's going to be a loooong 3 years.

But I am excited as well. I am happy nervous as well as scared nervous. I have no worries about the science side of it (after all, I have textbooks such as "the microbiology coloring book" so it can't be too hard). I am nervous about the sheer volume of stuff that will have to be memorized, (I mean, have you seen how many acupuncture points there are?), but I am sure that I can do that if I work hard enough, and I guess other people manage to find three different pulses in your wrist, so I figure I should be able to do it too after I am taught. I think I'll make some good friends, and I think it'll be a lot of fun. And I hope there'll be a cute single guy at the school who is looking for a gal just like me. But if not, maybe someone at the school will know a cute single guy.

The interview

I went with the dress. See, it is a jersey knit and has pockets which probably wasn't obvious from the previous link, so wasn't quite as fancy as all that. And I always intended to wear it with a camisole so it wouldn't be too revealing. But I decided on a grey camisole rather than a black one, for a bit of visual interest.  Anyway, I thought the outfit was the right pick for the day and I felt confident in it.

The interview went well. It was with two Chinese ladies, the Dean and someone whose position I didn't quite catch. They pored over my embarrassing transcript from my Bachelor's degree.  "What this? 40C? What this mean? It's a C?" "Uh, no, it's a compensated pass, meaning I failed that course but gained enough in other courses to get the bare pass grade of 40. This one at 53 is a C. But look! That one's an A! See, over 70 is an A, that's an 84!"  I felt like I was doing the "Look! Puppies!" thing, but really, that transcript is from another age. It's not me any more. But they didn't really care in the end. They even said I didn't need to have done quite so many Community College classes - yeah, thanks for letting me know that now. We talked a bit about acu, my current job, immigration, the school, etc. They seemed to like me and at the end of the interview said "How can we not offer you a place? Congratulations!"

Then I sat with the admissions lady, and went over a lot of the stuff I missed from orientation. Including going off to try on various sizes of scrubs, as I have to wear school scrubs every day. But I'll be attending 4 days a week and they only give you 3 sets of scrubs (+ 2 lab coats).  I felt like going "ewwww, stinky" but I guess it's 2 eight-hour days and 2 four-hour days so I can just wear the same scrubs for the shorter sessions if I really can't get my act together enough to do laundry that often.  I should have asked for another set of scrubs, but she kept going on about liking to do everyone's order together and how she has a system, so I kept my mouth shut. She has a system over ordering the books too which I didn't quite get, but essentially I'm supposed to turn up early on day 1 and pick them all up. I think. Something like that, anyway. And the parking pass. And the library pass. And, and, and. Too many things to keep up with.

Strangely they didn't want any money. I kept asking if they were sure, but she said they charge everything to my student account and then it's my job to keep up with payments. Hmmm. I never got to talk to the finance lady because I'm not taking a loan so I think there was probably more to it than that, although they seem laid back about the whole thing so I'm sure if I do something wrong they'll cut me some slack.

The school was a bit shabby, but they stressed how they are a non-profit school and they charge the lowest tuition in the area, because they want to keep things affordable. So a bit of shabbiness is to be expected, I guess. But it was a nice atmosphere. There were a few students wandering around, using the library, etc, and they all looked friendly. I think I'm going to enjoy it!

Done!

Le Community College est fini!

I am fairly confident regarding my grades, which will be out on Thursday. Let's just say that the English teacher whispered as I handed in my exam today: "Thank you for taking this class. It's so nice to teach someone with a brain."  I could have kissed him. Community College rocks when you're an adult.

Onwards and upwards...

Interview Schminterview

I got a call from the acu school. They wanted to know how community college was going, and when I would be able to supply the transcript. So I told them when I'd be able to print out an unofficial transcript (the 18th) and that I'd order an official transcript the same day but it'd probably take a little while to get to them.

So they said I have to have an interview, which they initially suggested for Dec. 23rd, and then we decided that I could go on the 18th, with my printed-out unofficial transcript in hand, because the earlier the better. All fine and dandy, except they've had months in which to arrange an interview. I mean, did they really need to wait for this transcript? Did they really think I wouldn't be able to pass a few community college courses? I guess maybe they did. Anyhoo, it's not like it's Harvard Law or anything where there's a risk of them not letting me in because I'm not impressive enough. So I doubt if the interview will be anything more than a quick "so why do you want to study acupuncture?" session. And maybe a "how will you be paying us?" session.

But then the lady said that because I'll have missed the orientation, I'll have to stay for a couple of hours so they can go over everything with me and have me complete lots of forms, etc. But again, wtf? They've known I was coming for months. They couldn't let me go to orientation with everyone else and leave a couple of forms pending for when they got my community college transcript?

Urgh. I am more irritated by this than I have any rational right to be. It's not like anything will be really delayed in the end. But there's something about it that just tickles my annoyment bone.

AND the adoption lady hasn't called me back, and I am impatient about that. I guess I will leave her another message about the adoption orientation.

Brag

We have to take our English essays to the college writing lab to get them reviewed and commented on at least twice before handing them in. So I toddled off there today at lunchtime, to get my final review done of the current essay I am working on. I admit, I am kinda proud of this one, as I have reworked it carefully, taking out wordy sentences, editing to the bone to make it snappy, and generally using all sorts of proper grammar and punctuation. I have even risen to the heady heights of using three semicolons!

Today there were no writing tutors available, but my English prof. was there, so I took it over to him to do the review. He read it in silence, then put the paper down, raised his eyebrows, let out a big sigh and turned to me with a serious look on his face. I immediately started worrying that something was wrong. "You really don't need this class, do you?" says he. He said he spotted one place where a comma was missing, but he wasn't going to tell me where it was - he said to spend a short time at the weekend reviewing it one last time, and if I felt like doing a final edit, I could, but if not, it wouldn't matter. I met him later on as I came out of the library, and he told me it was so pleasant having a good student in the class. Then bizarrely asked me if I could tickle trout. To which I replied "errr, that'd be a no." "Ah," says he "you're not perfect yet, then."

Arrr. Community college is good for the soul.

Of course, my boss is seriously pissed off with me because I am behind on my real work, so life is not all rosy. Well, you know, that, and I'm barren, single and old, but that goes without saying. Still, it's nice to be patted on the back for something.

Can we talk about race?

[By the way, I've always hated to use the term "race" as I'm pretty damn sure we're all one race - the human race. But then again, ethnicity doesn't seem quite right either, and talking just about skin color is limiting.]

OK, so, a while back I posted about the low educational standards at my local community college, and a couple of posters recommended small liberal arts colleges as offering a better education. Which seemed like a damned good idea to me for my hypothetical kid. Although in some instances I thought, depending on the kid, it might be good to have that two-year buffer between high school and "real" college so that the kid can mature a bit more. Or, I might not have the money for anything other than starting off with a 2-year community college stint. But on the whole, I'd rather my hypothetical kid get a good education at a better school that will challenge them and help them develop a love for learning.

And then I started noticing that the racial and demographic diversity of the students on campus is really not representative of the local population. And I started counting. Now, this isn't a large sample size, and I'm guesstimating somewhat, but for example my communication class seems to be representative of the types of folk I see walking around in general, and we have 4 non-hispanic white students out of 28. Or, in other words, around 15%. I'm sure the demographics of the county have changed a bit since the last census, which lists the county as being 70% non-hispanic white, because a lot of people have moved from the more racially mixed counties nearby. But I don't think it has changed to 15% non-hispanic white. The next county was listed in 2000 as 58% non-hispanic white and we're now probably somewhere between the two.

Now, this is a great thing for me, because it is exposing me to a greater cross-section of the population than I usually mingle with. Especially in communication class where we all give talks about ourselves, I'm enjoying learning about the cultural backgrounds of the students in the class - especially the huge diversity within the students either from or whose parents are from the Caribbean - as to who's from Cuba, or Haiti, or Puerto Rico, or Dominican Republic, or Jamaica, or wherever, and the different things their families do and their differing perspectives.

And then it's making me think about my own interactions with people too. For example, there's this one kid who I think is just fabulous. He's this sensitive, drama type, who's brought in DVDs showing his various performances in plays, and is just amazingly mature for his age about so many topics. I thought I liked him a lot because of his level of maturity, and his sensitivity, unlike so many of the other 19- and 20- year old boys in the class. But then he was saying yesterday how his black friends tell him he's not black enough because he "acts white," and that they think he doesn't get as much discrimination as they do because of this. To which he always responds "uh....look at me" because he is much darker skinned than most African Americans. And that made me think - do I enjoy my interactions with him because he "acts white" and therefore does that say something about me, or do I enjoy my interactions with him because (as I previously thought) he's a mature, sensitive, kind, intelligent young man. Who's not a dufus messing around at the back of the class. Maybe it's a mixture of the two. It makes you think. Which is very good for me to do, and to be as aware as I can about how my unconscious behaviors could affect people.

OK, but where was I? Oh yes. I started worrying, because it seems we are effectively segregating people by economics. Is the school predominantly minority students because that's all their parents can afford, or because society has lower expectations of their possibilities for academic success? Why is it OK for white parents to worry about sending their kid off to a good quality college, but not OK for all parents to demand that the local community colleges offer a better quality so that everyone can take advantage of it? Is it OK that the vast majority of the faculty are white? What does that say about the levels of educational attainment we can expect from every kid? Should I in effect rethink the value of community college as also being positive in the sense that it is more diverse than even the high schools which are still very much based on economics as far as where your home is located (although my local neighborhoods are more mixed than some of the more gated community areas of the county, so maybe the local high schools are the same). And isn't diversity a good thing for children to grow up with?

And of course, at this point, I don't know what my hypothetical kid is going to be - I'm tending again more towards adoption from the state if I do continue on, as opposed to remaining childfree, and therefore my kid is probably more likely to be hispanic or mixed race. Is it better for me to send that kid to community college, knowing that I can keep them at home for 2 years and knowing that they'll be in the majority which might be beneficial for them and their sense of self-esteem. Or if they're non-hispanic white do I send them there knowing that diversity is a great thing that I can't necessarily provide enough of among my family, close friends and neighbors. Or do I go the route of saying if I can afford to send them to the best schools I should do that, and diversity be damned. And that doesn't even factor in for the private grade school debate.

Nice things

I have to say, there is one aspect about community college I am definitely enjoying, and that is the positive feedback. Where I work you basically get feedback if someone isn't happy with you. The only clue you have if you're doing a good job is if no-one is whining. But that doesn't happen very often because there's always something to whine about - even if the work you did was great, you probably spent too long doing it. Or something. 

So, it's nice to have a little coddling for once.  Just got this comment:

Wow, what an excellent and well-written paper! Your discussion of the history, constitutional questions and issues in the case, along with your analysis of precedent, implications and ideological angles, is spot-on. Your connections to the course and textbook material are strong and your opinion section nicely detailed. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your paper! If you haven't already, you should consider doing honors projects and taking honors classes in the future. You will be very successful.

Feeling proud! :) Even if I did call this professor a stupid bitch in an earlier post. Ahem. Clearly she's not stupid at all...heh heh.

Thank you!

Ahhh, so it's the variability thing. I knew you guys would fill me in.

There is, of course, variation in colleges in the UK. Perhaps not so much as here, but it's fairly widespread, nonetheless. And we don't have any private universities at all, so that's kind of a foreign concept to me. I went to a good school although I see in the current rankings it has slipped somewhat from the days when I went there even though the entry standards are still fairly high. It wasn't top tier, but second (or maybe third, depending on your point of view) tier. So my experience there would not directly correspond with the experience here, as it might have done if I'd gone to a lower ranking university. And I'd forgotten that the experience there is variable too.

And of course, I expected the local community college to be pretty easy. That's why I'm going there - to just get this requirement for general ed. credits out of the way with as little expense, time and effort as possible. It's just the level of easiness that has shocked me.

Anyhoo, this has got me thinking. If I ever do have a kid, what do I do about college education for them? I had this plan that I'd get the state prepaid college plan, and encourage them to go off to UF in G.ainesville which is probably the better in-state college (or somewhere similar of their choosing). If they didn't want to go there, fine. If they wanted to go to an out-of-state public school or a private school (whether in-state or out-of-state), they'd be mostly responsible for scolarships, etc, to make up the difference in tuition amounts. [I was also planning on partially funding a 529 plan to help with such differences and/or graduate school, but not telling them about it until the last minute.]

But now I'm thinking this plan might be a crock of shit (ignoring the whole "I might not have a kid" concept). If where you go to school has such a huge impact on your quality of education, should one perhaps be aiming for private schools all along? Or on one of the really good out-of-state public schools?

Edumacation

So, talk to me about the quality of U.S. education, particularly at community colleges.  As you may know, I have to pick up a few general education credits before I can go to acu school, because I didn't do any for my degree. Different country, different system.

Now, way back when, in the dim and distant past, I remember people saying at my university that a British bachelor's degree was equivalent to a U.S. master's degree. Because we just spend three years on one subject, and don't do any general ed. stuff so we go much more in-depth into the subject. At the time, I thought it was probably just us making ourselves feel better, and excusing ourselves for only taking 3 years to get a degree, and not 4, and that probably the extra year in the U.S. made up the difference. Now I'm left wondering if perhaps it was right after all.

I asked a work buddy about the level of academic achievement, and she basically blew off community colleges as not being the real college experience. And sure, I think they probably do a lot more hand-holding and it is probably more of a half-way house experience between high school and university. But, here's the thing that is bothering me - if community college gives you an AA degree, which exempts you from the first two years at university, then you must be going in to the third year at university on the same academic footing as your peers that are doing all four years at the same place. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to transfer because all community college students would flounder once they got into the "big" college. So it must be comparable.

I have to say it, though. This shit is easy.  I am talking maybe O Level standard, for those that know what that is. In other words, what I did at the age of 15 and 16, and certainly not what I would think of as college level. In fact, we are drafting an essay for my English writing class, and it's been through various drafts and peer reviews as well as a language lab review. And I am dumbing it down because everyone seems disturbed that I am critiquing the thing we are writing about. Aren't we supposed to be critiquing? Isn't that what college is about? Otherwise it's a freakin' grade school project.

But, mostly I want to post here about my government class. We did the first exam on Tuesday. 40 multiple choice questions and 10 fill-in-the-blanks. Now, first of all, no college course in my day would have ever, EVER used multiple choice. They were strictly all essay-type questions. An "A" was anything above 70%, to which my US colleagues have said "but how do you differentiate between those that get 70 and those that get 95?" But the point was, nobody got 95. The questions were set up to be really fucking challenging, and if you were getting 95, they probably pulled you out of class and sent you to Oxford at the age of 14 or something. 

So, we do this test. It's on three chapters of the book. It involved regurgitating things we have either read in the book or been told about in class. No original thinking required. No opinions needed. Nothing. Just regurgitation. Not only that, we had an hour and 15 minutes to do 50 questions. I finished in 15 minutes, and spent another 15 painstakingly double-checking my answers just to waste some time. That would hardly ever have happened in my day, as we were always up against a major time crunch in exams.

I get into class this morning, and to my surprise everyone else was grousing about the test. Everyone. There were so many complaints about how hard it was, how it included all these things they didn't know about, how it was so unfair. I didn't quite believe my ears. Que?

The teacher (I hesitate to call them professors, or the classes lectures because...well, they are teachers) handed our tests back so we could discuss them. She said the average score was 61%. Sixty-one! And the scores ranged from 30 to 99. [Bonus points for guessing who got the 99...]

I don't understand. It wasn't a hard test by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe they just all didn't prepare enough (although it's an exam, it goes towards your grade, why wouldn't you prepare?) Maybe they were unprepared for how hard a college level exam was going to be (although the class is a mixture of freshmen and those about to graduate). I just. don't. get. it. 

Is it true that community colleges are just not as good academically as real universities? Is it just pointless to expect any critical thinking to be needed for the first two years? Am I on a different planet from the rest of them? And it shouldn't even be a function of me being super-smart or anything - some of this government shit should have been covered by them in high school - I should therefore be at a disadvantage, and like I said, it was just regurgitating facts which most people of average or above-average intelligence should be able to do with a little bit of studying.  

Example question: How many members* are there in the U.S. Congress? (a) 435, (b) 535, (c) 100, (d) 50. Now, unless you'd covered it a week previously, you might not remember off the top of your head that there are 435 representatives and 100 senators, making a total of 535. You might also forget that "Congress" means both the Senate and the House of Representatives. But it's well within the reach of everyone in the class. [*I may not have this word exactly right, but it was something innocuous like that.]

What am I not seeing here? Is this truly college-level stuff?

Note to Community College professor

Dear Professor:

You must forgive my ingrained English politeness. I am still learning how you do things in your country. However, when you are telling us about the devolution of power from the federal to state governments but actually say "de-evolution" five times, you're wrong. And when I come up at the end of the class and politely say "did you mean to say de-evolution instead of devolution as written? Surely de-evolution would mean a return to a less complex, or less organized form, whereas devolution is a backwards shifting and return of power to the more local from the more central? Or do you mean that there actually is some change in complexity? I just want to clarify that I understand the concept, because the two words mean different things to me." I am not in fact asking you a question. I am saying "you are saying the wrong word, you dumb bitch, but I'm trying to save you from embarrassment by not pointing that out to the rest of the class and trying to be polite by phrasing it as a question." 

If I actually didn't understand the concept, I'd put my hand up in class and say "I don't understand." I don't need a detailed explanation of the concept, nor how the word you used is just a difference in pronunciation and means the same thing. In fact, the concept of devolution as a political term I believe comes from my own fair country, and I could probably teach you a thing or two about it. Nor do I need you to tell me to look up the pronunciation in the dictionary, although, for the record, I did, and I was right that there is no suggestion to pronounce "devolution" as "de-evolution."

M-kay?

Thanks so much.

Yours, etc.

Oh good grief

I am unbelievably exhausted. I should be in bed, but am forcing myself to stay awake so I can watch Barack Obama speak at the convention.

Wednesday was hard at work.  It took me 12 and a half hours to get everything done. And then I'm not sleeping well because I'm stressed. Today I staggered around, yawning at every opportunity. But I got through it.  Got through my second days of my new schedule - my second long work day and my second college day. I can't quite bear the thought of another 12-hour day tomorrow, but at least I can rest at the weekend. Somehow, in between all the homework I have to do. Somehow I'll find some rest time.

I tell ya, being old makes it hard to change. And nothing makes you feel quite as old as being in classes with teenagers.

More at some point in the future. If I can find the energy...

The trash and the easy

I got through my work day OK yesterday. It took me 11 and a half hours, but I got everything done that I needed to, billed enough, fulfilled all my requirements and still managed to get home while it was light. I was quite proud of myself. It's only one day down, but it was a big one.

Then last night, I got out my lunch container, got my snack ready, got my school bag, had things organized just so, and went to bed.  And as I was lying there, for some reason I started thinking about my parking decal.  Y'see, I'd picked up the parking decal on Friday, but hadn't put it on the car immediately. And I lay there, and thought I'd have to remember to stick in on the back window in the morning before setting off, and then it slowly dawned on me that I didn't know where the parking decal was.  I'd done some cleaning up on Sunday night and figured I must have moved it somewhere.  I got out of bed, I checked around everywhere I might have put it, and nothing.  I even snuck out to the car in my nightie to see if I'd left it in the passenger seat footwell.  Nowhere.  And then I looked across to the curb where the trash was sitting ready for pickup, and I knew.  Somehow I'd thrown the darn thing away. Thank the lord trash pickup is on Tuesday morning and not Monday as it'd have been gone if that was the case.

Yes, people, I went and got the trash out of the trash can, took it back into the kitchen and mooched around in the smelly leavings for my parking decal. Lovely. I found it, wrapped up in its receipt, no worse for wear, but ewww.

But you don't want to hear that - you want to hear how my day was.  I have successfully completed my first day at community college, and boy, is it ever going to be a walk in the park. They give you points towards your grade just for showing up! He, he, if only we'd had that in my day, I might have got better grades. 

Anyhoo, for four of my classes there is nobody else above the age of 20, apart from the professor.  The other one has a woman who may or may not be somewhere near my age, it's hard to tell. I have nothing in common with these kids but at least everyone was well behaved and seemed to want to be there, so that's good.  I didn't even speak to anyone all morning, but then shared a couple of words with my neighbors in my afternoon classes.  Along the lines of "I have those shoes, they're really cute".  But it was communication, so it was a start. I liked two of the professors, two were OK, and one is an irascible old hippie that annoyed me but I'm sure we'll get along just fine if I play along with him. At least none of them mumbled or bored me to tears straight out of the starting gate.

I now have some reading to do, and an assignment to post on the web-component part of one of my classes.  It's 150 words or thereabouts introducing myself.  And I get points for it.  It kind of makes me want to insist that everybody who never finished their degree or wants a new career get along to their local community college right now, this minute, and sign up (provided you can find the time for a class, that is), because, really, if you've been out in the real world for a while this stuff should be easy peasy. Now, OK, I'm not doing college-level algebra, which I would struggle at, but you can get a LOT of credits out of easy classes.

I'm a student, baby!

I did it! I registered for my classes at the local community college. I stayed up until midnight last night, as that's when registration opened for me. I got my second choice schedule, but that's just fine and dandy as that's what I was aiming for. My first choice of schedule became impossible last week some time, when the 9.30am psychology classes filled up and were no longer available. So I had to shuffle a couple classes and instead of going 9.30 to 6.15 like I originally planned, I will now be going 8 to 4.45. Not being the earliest morning bird, this is a tad worrying, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I am taking 5 classes to get all the credits I need - English composition, speech communication, art appreciation, general psychology and intro. to American government. Suddenly the recent advisor's warning of a heavy course load seem to be ringing true. But seriously, how hard can some of those be? Two of them at least should be easy peasy.

However, by starting earlier it will make cycling to college easier because it'll be cooler earlier in the morning. Yup, cycling. I had originally planned on going Tuesday and Thursday during the day, and then taking one class on Wednesday night. The Wednesday night class was partly because the acupuncture school has me doing late classes three nights a week and I thought it'd be good to ramp myself up into that type of schedule by taking one night class now. But then gas prices kept rising and I thought that in order to save money I really should only take two trips to the college a week instead of three if I could manage it. And that led to a google maps session in order to figure out the shortest driving route, which told me that the community college is only 4.5 miles away. As my office is 4.8 miles away and I cycled several times last winter it suddenly dawned on me that I could really save gas money and get myself fit if I just cycled to college. Oh, and save the environment, blah blah blah.

All of which, naturally, gave rise to a shopping spree. Some of you may remember that a while ago I said I'd found and ordered the perfect eco-friendly school bag. But alas after I ordered it, the company emailed me and said due to an inventory glitch they didn't have the color I wanted and would I very much mind having plain black? To which I said no thanks, because, well, I'm vain. So I have been waiting, half-heartedly thinking it would be much more eco-friendly if I just made do with the bags I already have, half-heartedly looking for another one in other places, and also thinking about the yummy Timbuk2 messenger bags that I had previously spotted. But, after the cycling decision (and also realizing that unless they change the schedule I can't take the train to the acu school but instead will have to drive), I decided that I just had to have a messenger bag. I prefer cycling with a messenger bag than a backpack for some reason. So it was off back to the Timbuk2 site, where they had new colors on the hemp/PET bags, and voila. I spent money in the blink of an eye. I got this cute brown one that so reminds me of an old school satchel, it makes me want to squeal.

Obviously, I then had to fill my new messenger bag, so the back to school sales started calling me. Leading to the purchase of a delightful assortment of pens, highlighters, markers, mechanical pencils (oh I do love me a mechanical pencil), a stand-up pencil case, a ruler, a large notebook and a small notebook and some bicycle safety accessories. And here we are. Due to a forgetful moment when ordering, I got the small size so the bag is actually too small to hold my stuff plus lunch plus a textbook. Let alone 5 textbooks, one for each class I am taking. So I will just have to hope that either none of my professors require textbook toting or that the cafeteria serves dirt cheap and healthy foods. Or that I can figure out how to make reaaaallly flat sandwiches. Or that I somehow figure out how to take along some dried food that can be reconstituted with water from a drinking fountain or something.

Math, math, hellish math and detoxing

Why is it, when you are detoxing and/or dieting, every single freakin' ad on TV is for food, food, glorious food? Unbelievable. But, I will say that at least that helped me turn the TV back off last night and catch up on some math studying. I worked through all my algebra and arithmetic topics like a good girl, and went to bed feeling quietly confident, having just scored 100% on a practice test. Yay me.

So this morning, bright and early, I went along to the local community college, paid my fee, and sat down to take the placement test. The English tests went well. Except two of the questions were misleading as there was more than one potentially correct answer to both of them. But whatevs. Then up popped the algebra test. Hmmm, I thought, I thought I was supposed to get arithmetic before algebra, but OK, whatevs, maybe arithmetic will be later. I trundled through them, doing well, feeling good. And then that test finished, and the computer told me I was now moving on to college level math. Ruh-roh. See, I didn't study for college level math. I only studied for algebra and arithmetic. Everything I read seemed to imply that only algebra and arithmetic were needed. But nope. I did not get to do the arithmetic test and there it was, the first question on college level math, asking about trigonometry. I mean, really. What IS a sine or a cosine? [No, don't tell me, I don't actually want to know.] I used to know at some point in my life what those things were, but that was over 2 decades ago.

Ah well, c'est la vie. So I took a wild ass guess and kept going. Luckily a lot of the questions could be figured out somehow, even if my methods were not exactly elegant or the proper way to do things. And the final results were: reading comphrehension - 112, sentence structure - 119, algebra - 119, college level math - 63. Ahem. We can tell where I didn't brush up, can't we? And, as an aside, why is it that American tests go over 100? In good old blighty, most test results would be out of 100, no matter how many questions there are, so to make 20 questions add up to 119 is a bit confusing to me. Although I know that it's an adaptive test where they make the questions harder if you do well, and easier if you don't do so well so I guess that's where the extra points come in. Anyhoo. I knew I had to get 83 or above in English to place into the college level classes, so I was pretty safe there, and I that I had to get 72 or above in math but wasn't sure if it was an average result or needed in each subject. And anyway, I'm not even doing any math classes, so I just needed enough of a result to enable me to be awarded credit. So the guy in the test center told me to go to Advising to find out.

Off I went to Advising, where I sat and waited for a while, and then finally got to see someone. Who again didn't understand the concept of me having a bachelor's degree but not having ANY general education credits, nor why I didn't have to do math classes now. So I went through the whole spiel again about how not every country in the world has the same educational system, and that my entire degree is science and math so I am exempted from science and math now. But finally she got it, and said I was good to go, as it was only algebra I had to get 72+ on. So she said I was cleared to sign up for the classes I want, after warning me that I am taking on a VERY heavy class load and that I will struggle. Whatevs. I guess when you're used to dealing with reluctant 18 year olds what seems like a heavy load is different than it appears to a 40-ish year old who has taken bar exams while working full time at a law firm.

So - hoorah for the end of math! Hoorah for the placement test being done! And now it's on to hoping that the classes I want at the time I want them are still available when general registration opens up on Thursday. Right now the degree-seeking students are able to register and people like me can only watch the number of available places in each class tick down slowly. Hopefully it will all be good.

I am still detoxing, by the way. I am down 4.5 lbs. I really, really want to chew something though, so I'm not sure how much longer I will keep it up. I had this initial thought of doing 4 days, Friday-Monday, which I've done, and then maybe keeping it up through the following weekend, to do a total of 10 days if it was going well. I kind of want to do 10 days but then again, I really want to eat real food. So I am mostly taking it hour by hour at the moment. As of right now, I am still on it.