Results

Today's beta was 6. Annoyingly, because it was not completely negative, I am supposed to repeat the bloodwork one more time so they can track it down to zero. I asked if it was absolutely necessary, and they said yes because they have to make sure it's not ectopic or something weird, but the nurse did say I could just do the beta without the progesterone and estrogen so that will at least make it cheaper.

But there you are. Another chemical.

The end

I tried to remain hopeful, I really did. I went to acupuncture, he did anti-miscarriage points, I spoke to the embryo and tried to get it to be a healthy, strong embryo. I tried, people, I tried.

I bought some tests on the way home from work last night, and got a positive digital and a nice line on the Fact Plus. After it dried, I decided it was darker than Monday's test. I was cautiously optimistic.

Until, that is, I tested this morning. The digital said "not pregnant" and the dye test had the merest faintest smudge, kind of like my 13DPO test. How it went from nicely positive to crap in 12 hours, I don't know, but it did it. And then I looked again at yesterday's test - which then looked slightly fainter than Monday's. So clearly I was either fooling myself or even the dye gave up the effort, just like my eggs have done. I know, it's not official until the beta, which will come out this afternoon, but I would put a lot of money down that I know what the result is going to be.

So that's that. The end of hope. The end of the road for IVF's with my own eggs. Done. Finished. Kaput.

I am going to make an appointment straight away to do the FET with the one frozen embryo left from IVF #2. I do have one vial of donor sperm left, although it's an IVF-only vial with a reduced number of motile sperm. Still, I'm thinking of asking the RE if I can combine a low dose follistim cycle to use up my leftovers, an IUI with the crappy sperm, and an FET with the solo embryo that might not survive the thaw, all in one cycle. Kind of like the fertility version of bubble and squeak. Not that most of you yanks know about bubble and squeak, but there you go. The RE probably won't go for it, but then again, he might if he takes pity on me.

And then I will be finished with fertility treatments, I think. I want to do the FET quickly so I can close the door on this chapter of my life and walk away. At least, that's the plan. Donor eggs are amazing and wonderful but I do not feel drawn to using them. Adoption is a tricky one as well, because I'm not eligible to do an international adoption as a non-US citizen and domestic adoption just seems fraught with difficulties. However, I am debating going back to England, mostly because I'm sick of waiting around for the immigration people to let me change jobs but also partly because that would open up international adoption to me - so that's an option I can consider.

For now, though, I am pretty miserable. I was never supposed to be one of those infertile women, damn it. And even then, the miracle of IVF was supposed to work. But I have to face facts, and it is just not worth putting myself through more cycles when my eggs clearly aren't up to it. And even though I've been slowly facing this end for quite some time, it still hurts terribly to be here.

Another chemical, looks like.

Sigh.

Beta was 16.6.

Beta day

Well, this morning's test was darker, but still faint.

Here's a shot of yesterday's test vs. today's.



You can juuuuust make out the line on today's test, which is the bottom one. They are better in person, but not spectacular. Sigh. I just hope the beta gives me a good number. The blood is drawn, and now the wait. I am pretty damn anxious.

ETA - photoshopped to within an inch of its life by Cali, who is much more advanced on these things than me:

Criminy

Posting from my Blackberry really does a number on the blog formatting. Ugh. And it'll take a week before it gets back to normal. I know, I know, I should have bought myself a new laptop for home before now so I could post properly, but I didn't, so shoot me. Please bear with me while I have an ugly blog. Oh, OK, for all you fancy types that have got nice banners and things, uglier than normal.

I took some photos of my tests, but you can't see a second line in any of them. So there's no point posting really. You'll just have to trust me. God, I hope tomorrow brings a nicer second line and a fabulous beta.

I spent much of the day today spending an obscene amount of money on new clothes. Now, you may think that having had a potentially good HPT I would not immediately rush out and buy things that I hope won't fit me in a couple of months. But you'd be wrong. It's kind of like the theory I have that if you go out with your umbrella, it won't rain. If I hold off from buying new clothes, I won't be pregnant, but if I do buy them, well, hopefully I'll get the result I am praying for. But do I go out and buy one new pair of pants or maybe one top? Nooo, I ended up buying two pairs of knickers, two camisoles, a pair of pants, a sweater, a silk top, a jacket, a necklace and a pair of shoes. Yup, I really did spend an obscene amount of money. The silk top was a steal at $29.95, marked down from $128 but apart from the pants being on sale everything else was, uh, not a steal. Oh well. It was good retail therapy.

Anyway, in lieu of pictures of pregnancy tests, here are my lovely new shoes! They are a deep red color and oh-so-shiny!



Better shoe views here without my feet in the way.

13 days post egg retrieval

Never one to let a sleeping test lie, I of course took apart yesterday's test to investigate further under the brightest light I have in the house. At certain angles, if you de-focused your eyes and held it just so, there was the merest whisper of a vanishingly faint suggestion of an accumulation of dye where the second line might want to hang out. And after 3 hours further drying/development time I thought a fellow eagle-eyed TTCer might also be able to see it. Not a normal person, though. You'd really have to want to see it, and need to have had lots of practice with tests to pick it up.

Having been chastised earlier in the day for buying crap tests (a first response and a CVS digital) I did buy another brand (fact plus) yesterday so this morning I attacked my pee with three sticks in hand.

The digital of course said "Not Pregnant" in that nasty way we all hate in the bleary eyed morning. Of course.

But you know, I do declare that the other two have faint second lines. And I mean FAINT. Super faint. I'm not sure how successful a photo would be at picking them up, they're that feeble, but I might try later after further drying (assuming the lines don't evaporate, that is).

Let's just say that I'm keeping the drowning-my-sorrows vodka on ice for one more day.

Negative

'Nuff said.

T minus one

I am in full despondency mode. I hate people, I hate the world, I hate everything about it and I hate that I can't get pregnant. Oh sure, I know that I could very well BE pregnant, but I just don't feel it, and that has me despairing. Of course, I'm basing the whole "feeling pregnant" thing on previous failed cycles, not actual cycles that resulted in a real, ongoing pregnancy, so I do know logically that it's all bogus really. I can't stop myself, though, especially as I felt pregnant earlier in the week and now don't. I can't help thinking that yet again a plucky little embryo tried to implant and then failed.

I was reading some literature this morning that said that the average percentage of chromosomal abnormality of eggs in women in the 40-45 year age group is about 30%. As a 39 year old, one would hope that my rate of chromosomal abnormality is a little shy of this, but as an infertile I accept that my rate must be higher than normal. Let's even say it's 50%. So why then can't I get at least one or two normal embryos? I've had 16 embryos transferred back to me, so why isn't at least one of them chromosomally normal? You would think even with shitty odds that you're bound to hit a good one eventually. But maybe not, eh?

The back pain turned out to be regular common-or-garden back pain. I had some inflamed muscles on my back, so it definitely wasn't referred pain from uterine cramps or anything. I called for an emergency acupuncture appointment and went home early yesterday because I just couldn't function any more. And dear sweet cutie acu worked a miracle on me. It still hurts a little bit, but not much, and I can walk! And stand up straight! Both of which I was not able to do for most of yesterday. Cutie acu was quite funny though, he was all "so, you go to New York, come back with a limp and end up pregnant...you KNOW what people are going to think!". And I say "let 'em". If I could actually be pregnant it would make me chortle immensely if people think it's because I had so much wild sex that I put my back out.

But I have spent most of the morning wondering what I am going to do if this cycle fails. I will definitely do the frozen embryo transfer with that lonely little embryo that is in the freezer from my 2nd cycle. And then. Well, this is where it gets tough. Because of seeing the new agey lady who read my akashic records, I now believe that I am supposed to have a child. But I am more and more turned off by this whole process, and the thought of donor eggs or adoption just scares me and doesn't feel like something I want to do. I kind of feel like that is my line in the sand, and that I just don't want to continue trying at that point. So I would stop it all there and live child free if there wasn't this "supposed to" karmic life plan thing going on that the akashic records implied. Sure, I could do another cycle at Big Clinic, but the logistics of taking time off work and devoting mental energy to it is too much to think about. I even thought this morning of just quitting work, selling the house and going back to England with my tail between my legs. After doing one more cycle in between the time I quit and the time I get kicked out the country for overstaying my welcome. Or I guess I could take a leave of absence from work, but then everybody has to be involved and frankly everything has sucked the life out of me so much that I have no desire to ever do this line of work again. So why cling on just to stay in the country when there's no frickin' point anyway?

Oh well, all of this is, we know, moot if the cycle has in fact worked. So I will be peeing on a stick in the morning. It'll be 12DPO, so any result should be accurate. And then it's the beta on Monday. And then presumably utter amazement and joy, or hitting the booze. Life seems very binary all of a sudden.

Creaky bones

Thank you for sitting and waiting with me, and keeping the hope alive. Me? It's all I can do not to go straight back to bed, but that's because my lower back is hurting. A lot.

It was hurting a bit on Monday, which I put down to the flight and various delays on Sunday. No biggie, I figured it would go away. I am clearly just getting old. Tuesday was excruciating. I had to take some extra strength Tylenol, which didn't help all that much, as I find Tylenol is not all that great for muscular pain, but whatever, it's all that we're allowed to take so I sucked it up. I figured I should have done some yoga stretches on Monday, and shouldn't have been wearing heels. I thought it would go away. Yesterday it was a lot better. Yay for yoga stretches. Except I foolishly wore heels again. And you've guessed it, today it is back to excruciating.

Anyhoo, I am hobbling around like an octogenarian. So that's pleasant.

I went to my local clinic this morning for a progesterone draw, and they mis-read my prescription from Big Clinic and were going to do a beta. Oh, I so hesitated when they presented me with the label for the tube of blood to check and sign. You KNOW I had visions of not saying anything and scoring an early beta with early results. But I am honest to a fault, not to mention cheap. And let's face it, they do betas at 14DPO and later for a reason, as that's the most reliable time for results. So I told them they'd mis-read and no HCG was needed for today. Pathetically honest I am, I am, patheticaly honest I am.

So, no testing for me. No peeing on sticks either. I may test on Saturday but there's a part of me that would rather not know. You know, this was the cycle that was supposed, nay destined, to work. This was the last shot with my own eggs. I was confident(ish) that the universe would finally come through for me. And now? Not so much. I am firmly in doom and gloom mode. So there's a part of me that would rather extend the potential, the possibility, that it could have worked for a teensy bit longer.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here

Yup, practically as soon as I posted yesterday the hope started evaporating and the despair started creeping in.

It was worsened by a complete absence of crazy dreams, after 5 or so straight nights of them. And deflated boobs. And an absence of "feeling" it.

None of which makes a bit of difference, of course. I know this. I know that I am in prime despair time when it's really too early to test and yet you're sick of not knowing. I know all this, and it doesn't stop me from despairing. Hopefully I'll have another wild swing back to optimistic very shortly but for now despair is settling in.

Off the topic somewhat, I went to the dentist this morning for a cleaning and found out that one of my fillings has fallen out. I'd noticed in NY that that tooth looked weird and wondered if it could possibly have fallen out, but decided that there was no way that could happen without me knowing it or feeling it or being in pain. But it had and I didn't feel a darn thing. In my defense, it was a white filling so it wasn't as obviously gone as a mercury one would be, but I guess I swallowed it at some point. Nice. So there I was, checking out and making the appointment to have the filling put back in, and the receptionist asked me if I wanted an appointment this year or next year. Que? Next year? So I pointed out that I had a filling that had fallen out and maybe we should act fairly quickly to put a new one in before it caused me lots of pain? Just maybe? Weird. She said that some people get so crazy in December with the holidays that they can't seem to handle any appointments at all. Well, maybe I'm just odd but much as I dislike going to the dentist I kind of would rather have the filling back in than sit through Christmas dinner in pain.

I'm not even going to share last night's dream

It was quite bizarre. Except I still didn't get to a happy ending before the alarm went off! Nearly, though. Nearly.

I went to see cutie acu last night, who said I felt pregnant to him. Not sure what that means, exactly, and he couldn't really explain it but I liked hearing it even though of course I said "well, it's probably too early to tell, really" in order to throw a protective layer around my heart. But here's the thing, I'm going to admit it, I feel pregnant too. I know, I know, it's only 8DPO, it's too early to tell, and a lot of the time I am very unsure about my feelings and am denying to myself that I feel anything at all. And, it really doesn't mean anything at this stage anyway, but this time I decided to throw it out there to the universe and own up. I would say that out of three years of trying, I have felt pregnant on maybe 4 or 5 cycles, not that I've dared say that out loud to many people before. And have even flat out denied it sometimes when asked. And when other people say they just "know" that they are not pregnant, I have often said they can't possibly "know" because you always read of women who "knew" their cycle didn't work when it did. But, well, OK, there was some lying going on there.

On only one of those 4 or 5 cycles did I get any official confirmation with a low positive beta which turned into a chemical, so any rational scientific person would say that me feeling pregnant (or rather, different) means nothing. However, on three of those cycles I had faint positive home pregnancy tests that turned negative later on before the beta. On a couple of cycles I had acupuncturists tell me I had slippery pulses which are usually indicative of pregnancy. So I would say that to me having a feeling of maybe something being up means that something tried to happen, even if it didn't manage to implant properly or progress very far. Which at the end of the day, as we all know, means nothing. Trying and failing to implant does not get me a baby.

But at least it's a hopeful sign that I am not convinced (yet) that this cycle totally didn't work. I shall try to remind myself of that as I slip into despair mode in the next few days, as usually happens.

Oh the dreams

There's one side effect from all the crazy hormones that I actually don't mind during IVF cycles, and that's the weird dreams. OK, so I may be odd, but it's quite entertaining not knowing what bizarro dreams I'm going to have when I get to bed at night. I quite enjoy them, really. Not that I could tell you exactly what I have been dreaming each night, as I don't remember. Just that they have been weird.

Except last night, I do remember some things. Now, the crazy dreaming may also have had something to do with the fact that I didn't arrive back home until 9.30pm and then immediately got a Chinese takeout. And I tried to stay up a little bit so that I would have some time to digest my food, but I was tired. So I probably was digesting food way too late. But having said that, it's probably the hormones that are driving things.

So, where was I? Oh yes, there I was, enjoying some weird episode or other, and I dreamt that there was a man standing over my bed. Which caused me to immediately scissor upwards - sticking my head up to see the man properly and to be able to turn the light on and realize there was no man there after all, and obviously, sticking my legs up to kick the fucker square on the chin. Hey, watch out intruders if you ever do get in for reals. But the act of such sudden scissoring caused me a nasty cramp in my lower belly which I then bitterly regretted for a few minutes before calming myself down that acrobatic maneuvers probably didn't dislodge the embryos after all.

But then once I fell asleep again I had a nice dream, involving that guy who played Denny on Gr*y's Anatomy. Not that I found him attractive while the show was on, and in fact, kept wondering what Izzy saw in the guy, but I saw him in a trailer for something or other the other day and suddenly realized what the fuss was all about. And unfortunately, we were just getting it on when my damn alarm went off. Maybe tomorrow my timing will be better.

Bored and trying to be happier

I am not very good at bedrest. Even when it is self-imposed. I'm bored and itching to go to Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. Shoot me. But in my defense, I am addicted to their Chai tea, not their coffee.  So that's not so much caffeine, eh?  But I promised myself that I would loll in bed and that's what I'm going to try to do.

Anyway, on to the important news. I transferred 4 embryos. I had two 10 cells and two 8 cells. And a 4 cell. They didn't feel that it was worth transferring the 4 cell so I agreed even though it's hard leaving it behind as it's highly unlikely to make it to freezing.

I feel like I should be ecstatic. I have never ever had any 10 celled embryos. And to have four make it to the 8 celled stage is amazing. In three retrievals at my old clinic, I had two 8 celled embryos out of a total of 14.  In two retrievals at Big Clinic I have had six 8+ celled embryos out of 7. Big difference, huh?

But. And here's the but. I am weirdly not ecstatic. To me the embryos look pretty fragmented. It is hard to look at a photo of a sad and (dare I say it) ugly embryo and be able to imagine it working out. The RE said they were "good" because they were less than 25 percent fragmented. It's hard for me to see how they came up with that and makes me wonder if they just said that to make me feel better or if they really are OK.

So. There we are. The 5 of us are hanging out being bored. And hoping and praying for a good outcome.

Hanging around aimlessly

Just hanging around New York today. You would think that I should be out enjoying my two days of real vacation in between ER and ET, but no. Instead I am consumed with errands such as booking my flight home, booking an acupuncture appointment, taking a bag of clothes to the UPS store to ship them home (thus making room in the suitcase for the shopping) and all that jazz. Besides, I just can't be arsed to go and sight see or anything like that. Lame, I know, but then I never promised to be anything BUT lame.

I decided to go home on Sunday, which gives me yet another day after transfer to rest, so I shall be lolling around the hotel from Thursday to Saturday, not doing very much at all. Well, I shall be filling in a questionnaire but that's hardly a lot of work. I am taking part in two research studies at Big Clinic this cycle (I was in one last time). Unfortunately, they're not the type of research studies we all want to be in, preferably sponsored by a drug company, where we get free meds or something. No, they do not bring me any benefit whatsoever but instead may benefit people in the future. In the first one (that I also participated in last time), they are taking the immature eggs that would otherwise be discarded, seeing if they can replace the nuclei with nuclei from egg donors (or at least, younger women) and seeing what happens. It might lead to some sort of hybrid donor egg type situation thing, which might be more palatable I guess. Or something. To be honest, I didn't even read the consent form this time around so I have forgotten exactly what they are trying to do. The other study is on the impact of activity in the week after transfer on success rates. I don't have to actually modify what I do or am planning to do, but just have to document how much exercise I do, whether it is strenuous exercise or moderate exercise, any flights, how many hours I spend lying or sitting around, how many hours standing, etc. I am guessing that mine will come out as one of the more sedentary questionnaires! At least for those first few days, before I go home, although it will be interesting to see what impact the flights have on those of us that travel for our cycles.

I am still a bit undecided on whether to transfer all 5 embryos or not (assuming they are all still alive tomorrow, of course). I think on balance that I will do it if they let me. I mean, with my history of dismal failures I hardly think I am at risk of higher order multiples so it's probably a risk worth taking. And I just want it to work this time, damn it! But I shall see what the RE and embryologist say tomorrow. If they strenuously argue against it, then I will transfer fewer. I can take a hint sometimes, you know!

And just a quick final word - thank you for all your kind words and good luck wishes! I think they help, I really do, so I am very grateful for them. Mwah! Smoochies to you all!

Fertilization report

I got the dreaded call. Out of the 14 eggs retrieved, 7 were mature and 5 fertilized. While I'd like more, I'm still pretty happy with 5. I mean, last time I had 2 so this is more than double the number to play with.

So, transfer is on Thursday. I may transfer all 5 if they let me. I mean, I've had 12 transferred up to now and none of those have stuck, so why not go for broke?

Holy freakin' cow!

Sweet baby Jaysus, I just had 14 eggs retrieved! Who'd a thunk it?

Hey, come pick on me!

Today has been officially designated as "pick on Sarah day". So go on, have at it. Everyone at Big Clinic has already had a good go, so now I am throwing it out to the blogosphere. Take your best shot!

I triggered last night at 11.40. Yay me! My estrogen was 1121 which is not spectacular, although I keep trying to remember that Big Clinic triggers me a day or two earlier than my old clinic, based on follicle sizes, so that I shouldn't be just dividing the number by 200 and whining that I'll "only" get 6 eggs. I will be happy with whatever I get, I promise you, but I'm still secretly hoping for 8-10.

The first snag in the works was that my fellow out of town buddy who I'd asked to sign me out of egg retrieval as my responsible adult also triggered last night. So we're going to retrieval on the same day. Which is awesome for having someone nice to chat with in the waiting room, but now means that her husband is signing us both out. And of course the nurse today didn't like that idea when I foolishly decided to check if that was OK. I mean, we are one after the other for our retrieval times, we are staying in the same hotel, one floor apart and I've done plenty of other retrievals that I have been just fine after. I do not anticipate any issues. But of course the nurse was all "don't you have any friends?" in an incredulous voice. Uh, not in New York lady, no. I'm not from around here. Well, I'm sure other of my Big Clinic buddies would be willing to sign me out if I asked, but I'm not about to. Then when she realized we were one after the other, she asked if I'd planned it that way to get adjacent retrieval times. Huh? Like I can plan which retrieval times you pick?? Eventually she relented after I stood there looking dumb and giving her my best Paddington Bear stare.

The next snag was that I had not apparently signed my donor sperm consent. Now, I've noticed with Big Clinic and consent forms that basically they use an accusatory tone of voice every time you don't hand in your consent forms on time. Like you fed them to your dog, or burned them in a ritualistic pyre or something. They can't seem to comprehend that perhaps, just maybe, they didn't actually give you the forms to sign. So eventually the nurse wandered off and found the form, and gave it to me to sign. Which I did, and handed them straight back. Like I have done with every single freakin' other consent that they've ever given me. Still not sure why I have to consent to treatment with donor sperm when that is what I asked to do, but you know, what-evah.

Then the nurse wanted me to go to Andrology to alert them that I am doing egg retrieval tomorrow so they'll have the sperm ready. Although they already know this, as I was called yesterday when they told me to make sure I signed the damn donor sperm consent form, and when they gave me a hard time about only having one vial. I know, I know that clinics prefer to have 2 vials available for IVF. But my donor is now sold out, and as this is my last cycle I am not about to waste $1000 and mental energy choosing another donor and obtaining two vials. They can damn well use up the vial left over from my last cycle. In every other cycle there has never been a problem with the thaw, and if there is this time, well, it's MY risk to take, isn't it, that the cycle could be cancelled. So, off I trotted to Andrology. And the lab tech was all "why on earth did they send you over today, the day before retrieval?" Ummm, don't know. Sorry, not psychic. And then she proceeded to give me a hard time, again, about only having one vial of sperm. The Paddington Bear stare came out again. I stood and listened to the lecture about needing to have two vials, and how I should always have two vials and it is a requirement. Blankness emanated from me. I was quite proud of myself actually. I can look remarkably vacant when needed. In the end she wore herself out and admitted that it was too late to do anything about it and they'd just have to work with what they had. Yup. That's the plan, baby. That's the plan.

So, please think hopeful thoughts that nothing will go wrong with retrieval and that my frozen sperm will be in good shape and they will not cancel me for having no sperm available. I have thought of stopping any random med student I can find on the street and asking them to be my sperm donor backup, but maybe I'll keep that in mind for tomorrow just in case.

I might be triggering tonight!

Nice growth from yesterday, so I'm just waiting for the call.

In other news, after watching the What Not to Wear marathon on TLC, I was inspired enough to go out and buy myself a complete outfit. I figure given that it fits while all IVF-bloated it'll still fit me while pregnant (hah! The unashamed optimism) or I'll lose tons of weight and will be skinny so won't mind it being too big. Yeah right to either of those. But I think I look cute in it, so that's the main thing. Of course, my suitcase is stuffed to the gills already so I've no actual idea how to pack it to get it home. I may be mailing stuff to myself at this rate!

Happy Talk, keep talking...

I had a great ultrasound today, so I'm doing the happy dance. The biggest follicle didn't grow much overnight (it is now 16mm, well, 15x17) but the smaller ones caught up. AND I could see more folllicles on the screen today. I mean, don't tell anyone I said this, but I think I might be in with the chance of 8-10. The only weirdness was that the RE said that I might trigger tomorrow. Which seems too early given the size of my follicles and my estrogen level. I know they are the experts and I am trying very hard to leave the worrying up to them, but sometimes it is difficult not to second guess. I really hope that they allow me to stim an extra day and let me trigger on Sunday, though.

Physically things are getting tougher. I've got that squicky feeling I get while stimming, like I'm oozing estrogen out of every pore and can't get quite clean enough. You know, like with a bad hangover without the headache or the fun. And then my ovaries are kind of sore all the time now, not just when I've been walking or have a full stomach, and the pain is radiating to my lower back. It'll all be worth it if it ends up being a good cycle, of course, but you know. I'm kind of tired of it already. And it's not even as if my estrogen is very high. It has been 25, 112, 212, 351 and 445 yesterday (assuming I'm looking at the right set of numbers - Big Clinic uses two scales, and it's hard to tell which is the usual scale).

Anyhoo, I have acupuncture this afternoon, so hopefully that will help. And I have plenty of naps planned for my future so that is always a good thing to do.

Tofurkey day

Well, it was a lot of fun seeing the parade balloons, but I definitely underestimated just how many kids there would be there. The place was overrun with the little buggers...er, darlings. My ovaries had started to hurt as well, so walking around was a bit difficult. Then I got the call to go to Big Clinic in the morning, so there went the vague plans I had to actually see the parade itself. No way in hell was I going to go through morning monitoring and then make it to within a mile of the parade route by 9am. No matter, IVF is more important!

The wanding went back to being unsatisfactory. Today's RE is of the "only measure the top 2 follicles on each side" school. So I know that my largest is 15.5mm and the next largest is 15mm and not much else. I definitely saw three follicles on the left, and wasn't sure on the right. Maybe 4, maybe 5. Whatever. I had a nice cushy lining too so it's all chugging along. The RE said that he thought it would be a couple more days, which is fine by me.

I know my estrogen must be rising too, because holy EWCM batman! That particular side effect has hit!

Thanksgiving itself has been a bit blah. I always really enjoy our Thanksgiving picnic in Miami, and it makes me sad to miss it. But it turned into a small one anyway, as my cousin is away, my aunt's husband just had surgery and various other people are away (including me, of course). So maybe I'm not missing so much after all. Still, I'd rather not be here alone watching TV but I know that this was the only month that worked out for IVF for the remainder of the year so there wasn't much of a choice in the matter. I hope everyone else out there is having a good one.